"Looking For An Erotic Psychotic......................................."

Good Afternoon;

I'm here at the library with Rachel and we are about to head out and get some lunch somewhere, (she had breakfast so we skipped going out to eat earlier). We will then be heading over to or meeting up with Jenn to get the keys to her place where we are spending the night.

While we were on the computer earlier my cousin Harriet, (my grandfather's grandaughter from his other family), came up to me and met Rachel and she and I made a lunch date for Monday.

Nothing else happening really right now, just waiting for May and my Safelink minutes for the phone and to see if my TDAP money and Foodstamps got re-certified by D.S.S. properly. It is always nerve wracking when this occurs every six months knowing the reputation and past experience of the incompetent time wasters at social services.

I'll be back tomorrow, if I even leave Jenn's apartment that is. Rachel is being picked up at about 10:15 am. Saturday morning, and I may just veg out with the cable all day.

Oh, and by the way, if any of you ladies out there want to move up from follower to 'groupie', I'm available..WITH an empty apartment, [not counting the dog and the two cats...lol], and most desirous of feminine companionship,....LOL!

Equal Opportunity Employer = 18 to 80 Blind Crippled Or Crazy Welcome.....LOL!

Anyway, I'm going back to Rachel and the kids computer, see you tomorrow...maybe.

Later.............Dave

P.S. If I do not get in on Saturday, I will not be back 'til Monday because the library starts Summer hours with no Sundays except for Towson.

"No Noose Is Good Noose............OR.............Just Hanging Around....................."

Good Afternoon;

I've not got a lot to say today...(oops, I must be subconsciously channeling Dr. Seuss today.....lol)...other than the weather is perfectly lovely, and I did not sleep well last night. Not that I slept poorly, I just was awake and kind of spaced out, for longer intervals than I actually did sleep. I am heading over to Jenn's to shower in a bit and maybe chill out with the cable and the remote for a few hours while she takes the kids out for a play date.

As for most everything else..I'm at the point where I am like a juggler with all his balls in the air, or a fisherman who has just cast his line..for the moment things are completely out of my control and I am waiting to find out if my actions were correct and my ducks in a row so as to produce the desired effect....of course the time factor for the juggler and the fisherman is measured in seconds or fractions of a second. In my case I am dealing with the Federal government, which moves at the blinding speed of a glacial ice sheet.....lol.

Oh, yeah I did play my regular $2.00 Keno shot last night and this time I took the State for $25.00, which has been reserved for breakfast out with Rachel on Friday morning at a real restaurant, (i.e.....any thing where we can eat with silverware made of metal....lol)!

I may be back later today, if anything interesting happens, or I don not go to the coffee shop after Jenn's.

Later................Dave

"A Little Up...A Little Down........Wash Rinse Repeat.................."

Good Afternoon;

I guess you could call today one of those 'moderation in all things days'.

Nothing's really wrong, yet, nothing's really right...(We are excluding the major minuses such as having a real residence, etc.)...not so much a 'glass half full or half empty' sense of perspective, but a balance of ups and downs.

Starting with last night as I was packing up to leave the coffee shop and someone gave me a packaged breakfast sandwich for the morning and I was having a fun conversation with Ashley and lost track of time, and was 2 minutes late walking across Mt. Washington to the bus loop....and saw the tail lights fade into the distance. The next bus on the 27 route would have let me make my connection to the 59, as it was supposed to arrive 1 minute before the 59 left...but it was 20 minutes late, meaning a 30 minute wait, OR a train ride and yet another bus plus 2 fairly long walks to get back to the shed...I chose to sit for 30 minutes. The bus driver for the 59 pulled in about 18 minutes early and I walked over to get on the bus and sit out of the wind...most drivers will do this, this guy turned all the lights out and went and lay down on the rear most bench of seats and went to sleep. I had to bang on the bus 5 minutes after the time he was supposed to pull off to wake him up, and then the bus was filled with diesel fumes from sitting with the engine running, it's good thing I was there or this guy might be taking a dirt nap!

I finally1 got to the gas station, where the key to the restroom was locked IN the restroom, and it took 20 minutes to locate the spare key. I tried my luck at Keno, (I should have known better and seen this coming), and lost a few dollars. I sat and watched the news and kept an eye on the Keno screen, and my numbers did not come up once in the entire 40 minutes I was there, I'm glad I quit when I did.

I fell asleep just after midnight and woke up cold some time around 2:30 am., after checking to see that the tree was well watered I unzipped and crawled into the sleeping bag and snugged it up tight. It got fairly chilly last night in the suburbs and I stayed in the bag until my back and bladder again forced me to move, about 8:00 am. when I took my meds and lay back down. I stayed there until noon, dozing on and off and just staring at the walls with no desire or reason to move, and even less motivation.

For some reason my side is paining me much more than usual, it may be that I strained it trying to reach some thing in Jenn's back seat Monday night, because I know I pulled something in my chest doing so, or it may be just stress buildup in the nerve nexus. And speaking of Jenn, I called her as I was leaving the shed to see if I could come over and grab a quick shower like we had talked about on Monday, and she had just put the kids in the car and left the house.

I went to the Giant to buy some end of the month, low budget, on sale, food supplies and they were out of the things I wanted, so I had to go with the second team. When I came in the coffee machine was out of order so that did not help, but as I was leaving it had been fixed and I ended up with a Muffin too.

I'm out of time and am going to jump on the bus to the Starbucks now, because it is too raw and damp to sit outside and eat, and because I'm through with writing for the day also!

See you tomorrow.......................Dave

"Half A Loaf Is Better Than A Kick In The Head..................................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I WOKE up to rain this morning...but I GOT up to sunshine.....thank goodness!

I was awakened about 4:00 am. this morning by a brief but intense rainstorm, it was again raining so hard that I could not even get out of the shed to use the 'afterhours facilities' and had to use the 'secondary emergency backup device'....lol.

After I left here yesterday I stopped at Jilly's and treated myself to lunch and a drinkand chatted with Scott, the owner for a while. I then took the buses over to the Starbucks and did some reading, and had a Vanilla Bean Frappuchino... oy.......my quarter annual dairy overload! Dave from Whole Foods prepared foods kitchen came in and we got into a discussion about the Constitution and the Federalist Papers, and how so many people quote portions, lines, phrases, and even single words way out of context and the original meanings based on the time period they were written in, trying to support their political agendas. Later I wandered over to the Whole Foods and ended up standing and talking to Ian in the fish dept. about the same thing, but this time in reference to religions and the varying scriptures and interpretations based on situational ethics. We talked about the documentary movie "Jesus Camp", a very scary look at the evangelical extremists in our midst and their techniques, it deserves a viewing if you get the chance. (I've put in a request for transfer from the Cockeysville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library system...they only have the 1 copy so I'll let you know when I am about to return it, if any of the local loyal readers want to check it out.)

It's funny, the two subjects I usually avoid discussing, with MOST people, both in the same evening...lol. (Well it saved me from ending up buying anything from the overpriced bakery....lol! [To tell the truth, some of their cakes and confections look awesomely delicious, but taste...ehhh, so-so..particularly a Vanilla Buttercream and Raspberry Iced and Filled Yellow Cake....at $3.99 a slice, big enough for two, it was not worth it, the icing tasted like, and had a 'mouth-feel' of shortening rather than butter...ehhh]..).

I walked over and met Jenn after her meeting and we wandered the Giant and talked as she did her usual Mondat night shopping. They are going to Dover Delaware with the kids this week end to visit Granma Dee..(my mother)..and wanted to take Rachel too, but she has plans to go the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds, (Rachel makes and spins her own yarn...with help of course...form both sheep and alpaca wool, and this is a yearly treat for her).

I am pet sitting for Jenn this weekend, so Rachel is going to spend Friday and Friday night with me and we can cook breakfast together Saturday morning, and her mother will pick her up on Saturday morning....so that will give us some daddy-daughter time.

(And you can be damn sure I wasn't going to Delaware anyway.....60 miles and 2 different states is plenty close enough for my mother and I!....LOL...{not!}..)

This morning I met with Liz and we reviewed all the statuses..(stati?..lol)..of the applications I have in and we also found out that my old doctor, with whom I was very satisfied, accepts all the MCOs of Health Choice, Maryland's Medical Assistance setup...except of course JAI which is self contained... now I have to figure out which one suits my situation, in regards to location of specialists and hospital priveleges etc., and how to switch. Afterwards I went to Monkee's and wished her a Happy Birthday and we talked for an hour or so. I got my meds for the next week and paid her. I went to the dollar store and purchased some d-batteries and Giant and grabbed some food for later...and here I am.

I am pretty much over the "post-insert=(event, occasion, happening, person)" blues I had yesterday, from all the excitement of the weekend. It is the feeling of letdown you get the day after Christmas or your Birthday, or the first day home form a vacation, when you realize nothing has changed permanently...sssiiiggghhhhh!

Ah Well......................this too shall pass.

Okay I am out of time and I'm heading to the coffee shop for a couple hours.

later.......................Dave

P.S.....5713 visitors and 501 posts.....and a BP of 131/78!

"Rain Delay...............You Lucky Dog, You............."

Good Afternoon;

If anyone was wondering...YES I GOT WET!

I left the Starbucks last night at closing. Luckily it was a lull between the downpours and I made it under the expressway and across the tracks to the bus stop, where the clouds broke open the second I stepped into the (three sided) bus shelter. I stood there about 20 minutes until the bus came and in dashing the 8 feet between the shelter and the doors of the bus...was soaked! The driver let us off at the Plaza station under the cover of the bridge across the street and I jumped on the bus that would take me up to the shed. When that bus arrived at the stop near the gas station, it was again pouring so hard you could not see across the street. I again dove off the bus and swam to the shelter. These shelters are built with sides that extend down to about 6 or 8 inches from the ground, and rain was so hard and so heavy that when it hit the ground it bounced and splashed up and under the shelters as if someone wa spraying a hose. When the deluge let up to a simple rainstorm, after about another 20 minute interval, I rushed over to the cover of the gas station canopy and went inside. I was soaking wet from the top of my head, (the hat held about a gallon of water when I wrung it out...lol), to my shoulders, damp from there to mid calf and soaked again from there on down. My pants legs were doing a fine imitation of a spomge and my new sneakers squished and squirted every time I took a step, all from less than a minutes direct exposure to the rain and the upward reflection of the raindrops hitting the ground.

After losing my $2.00 at Keno, and using the bathroom, I took advantage of another momentary lapse in the rain god's attention and slipped into the shed. After a few minor readjustments to the water gathering and redirection systems I unrolled and unwrapped my bedding.

I was all set up and laid out before 10:00 pm in the shed, and lay down and watched an hour of 'Time warp' on the DVD player before the battery began to die.

It was very peaceful laying there listening to the symphony of the rain drumming on the roof and the various tones of the drips and spashes as the leaks hit their diverters and collectors. I was up once in the early dawn hours to answer nature's call, but did not finally crawl out until almost noon today. I had no reason nor motivation to move. And the fact that no matter what I wanted to do, I had to fight the rain to do it. The shed was to dim to read and the batteries in the flashlight are dead and the DVD player needs a recharge so therewas nothing to do but brood. I have a sh*tload of insights, questions, bitches, moans, and whines to expond on ...You, loyal reader, get a reprieve though, for two reasons, one I really don't feel like being here in the library...AND I'm Out of Time...

So, ...........see you tomorrow..........

..................Dave

"613.....+1............................."

Good Afternoon;

So this morning I got to sit with a bunch of fourth graders, aged 9-10, and tell them a little about being homeless, some reasons why folks become homeless, and some things that they at their level could do to help a homeless person, or make them feel better. Simple things such as saying hello or good day, donating socks, or making up personal hygiene bags for distribution. We then made cheerful and colorful blankets for some of the children currently at the Hannah More Center. The kids were so sincere and honest in their comments and suggestions and generated very positive overall energy. The morning started with a small service and blessings in the sanctuary with an assist form the school choir, and an explanation of why we do mitzvahs by the Rabbi, then the crowd split into about 15 or more different groups, with tasks ranging from making sandwiches to be distributed to the homeless, to making challa for a nearby seniors home, to potting and planting flowers and trees, to cleaning a stretch of roadway, to helping to clean up the grounds of two fire stations, to helping collect vegetables for and then feed them to a the horse on a horse rescue (?) farm, and so on, and so on. A most diverse set of deeds benefiting the people and community in Owings Mills, Reisterstown and Baltimore.

I had thought I was also going to speak to a group of adults but that did not occur. A young man who teaches at the fourth grade level in the religious school, Jake, picked me up at Jenn's and then dropped me back off about noonish. There were about 300 or more people who showed up, and some other who I understand went directly to their chosen sights. At least half were children and a festive and enthusiastic atmosphere enveloped everyone. I feel honored and proud to have been part of this event, and felt very much at home with the crowd, a cross section of modern conservative Judaism, varied and inclusive, embracing rather than denying contemporary styles and ideals while remaining true to our traditional morals and heritage.

I was met and welcomed by the synagogues youth co-ordinator, Sheri Knauth and made to feel very comfortable and accepted, and we agreed to keep in touch via e-mail and this blog.

I'm out of time, AND this is the last Sunday that Pikesville Library will be open until October, so I'll see you tomorrow......................Dave

"Bruin Burgers................or...................Hickory Smoked Smokey......................."

Good Afternoon;

As they say,

"Some days you eat the bear.....and some days the bear eats you!".

Well I'm still savoring the delicate aftertaste of 'Filet of Yogi'.....LOL!

To top off an already amazing day... last night after returning from the coffee shop in Mt. Washington...where I sat on the back patio slowly imbibing an ice cold 'carbonated malted barley pop' and watching the day slide into evening, pastel sky criss-crossed with opalescent glowing contrails fading to indigo speckled with God's little lanterns and the pale light of the waxing gibbous moon...I stopped off at the gas station and played $2.00 on the Keno, just for sh*ts and giggle and because I had $2.00 to spare for the first time in weeks..(thanks Mike)..and won $25.00 on the first game, (which I promptly pocketed!...lol). Well after a few more games showed me that it was going to be a series of play 2 games, win 1 game lose 1 game, over and over trading $2.00 back and forth with the State of Maryland all night long, I called it a night. I hit the shed and watched the last episode of "Jeeves and Wooster", and a couple episodes of "Time Warp", where these two guys with high speed cameras show all sorts of everyday, (and NOT so everyday..think Mythbusters..), things in slow motion...rreeeeeaaaaallllllll sssllllllooooooowwwwwwww mmmmooooottttiiiiooooonnnnn......LOL!...! way cool!

Got up this morning and went to the Giant for coffee, washroom facilities, and food, (in that order..lol), and then sat outside the library at the picnic table and ate and read for an hour or so...and here I am........again.

I guess you can notice the difference and tone in my writing and mood?

Between having enough meds for a few days, a few dollars in my pocket, a few meals worth of food credit available, and the events of yesterday, plus the lovely weather..(and even the threat of rain and thunderstorms are not bothering me........[ yet!.......lol ].....)..thr depression seems to have bottomed out a bit sooner and I'm now on the uphill side of the 'pit of despair'...lol. Things are looking rosier, a mite bit foggy still but with a definite pink tinge around the edges. (And no that is not just bloodshot eyes looking out through a hangover, I only had the one beer...LOL)

I'm still somewhat nervous about tomorrow, but if I was in the same mindset as I was earlier this week, I'd have blown it off already, and gone into isolation.

I'm going over to Jenn's this evening to do a load of laundry, spend the night and shower in the early morning. I'm being picked up at 8:30 by someone from the shul. It's a good thing Jenn has a new Mr. Coffee, (the cats decided to go 'bat sh*t' on the windowsill next to the table where the old one sat...there were shards of glass, pieces of plastic, coffee grinds, electronic components, brewed coffee, cat hair and even some chunks of cat floating all over the kitchen floor, I wasn't there but Jenn has a new 'i-phone' with a camera and video capability and needs no excuse to use it....lol), 'cause I'm gonna need to 'amp up' just to get in the shower....I don't do Sunday mornings well, never have, especially sober! (yeah I know bass-ackwards again....lol)

I was told this morning, for what must be the thousandth time, "You have GOT to write a book!", when I was relating some of the events and occurrences of the landslide I call my life. As I've said before, I'd really like to kind of wait until there is a little more light at the end of the tunnel, (and to be sure it is not the headlight of anoth approaching train...!), before I try to put out a book. And the idea it truly daunting and overwhelming, trying to string a coherent narrative of such length....BUT!....if anybody with any experience wants to try to organize or arrange, or tape some notes, or whatever...what the hell, contact me.

Have your 'people' call my 'person', (hey I'm poor, it's really me...lol), "we'll do lunch" as they say out in LaLa Land, or up in the Big [rotten] Apple........lol!

I'm out of time, and there is a line to sign on again, be back tomorrow afternoon....maybe, it's Sunday and opening time is 1:00 pm., who knows what will come of the morning's affair?

later .....................Dave

"Extended Family.............................OR.........................Be Fruitful And Multiply!!...................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I had an interesting talk with my OTHER long-lost, never-known, new-found cousin. What a strange coincidence, (if you believe in that word...I'll call it synchronicity!). We compared notes of what we knew about aunts and uncles and cousins, on 'both sides of the covers' as they used to say long ago when talking about the hushed up, divorced side of the family, (yes I know that it is also used for mistresses and bastard children, but not in this case). We exchanged numbers and she expressed a desire to stay in touch, maybe meet for lunch sometime soon. It got a little bit emotional, after I showed her the newspaper photo of our grandfather Barbara had sent me, and the list of decendants of his father and his wife, Abraham and Eva Rebecca, and the photocopy of the ship's manifest of the ship that brought them over from Kovno, Russia in 1891.

I then went down to the 7/11 and put $10.00 on my phone from a gift I recieved earlier today...(the 410-908-xxxx number is now active), and called and made a hard confirmation of plans and transport for Sunday

I stopped at the Giant and grabbed lunch and sat outside and read and listened to the Playaway for a couple hours, then came in here to you, loyal reader.

It's close to closing time so I'll say goodbye for now,

and I'll be back tomorrow at some point.

Later........................Dave

"Multiple Blasts From The Past!..............Wow, What A Breakfast Treat!................"

Good Morning;

What a beautiful spring morning, not too warm, not too cool, no rain, a bright blue sky with scattered puffy white clouds...my only request would be to turn the brightness down a smidgen and maybe increase the contrast a notch...kind of take the too sharp edge off of everything......

Last night was one of those nights where I couldn't fall asleep and when I did I kept waking up every 20 minutes, needless to say getting up at 6:45 am. was not a pleasant task. I wanted to have enough time to roll and fold and stack everything in the shed, and put on a fresh set of clothing from the skin outward, and to wash up and shave and brush my teeth, and to be sure I caught the bus up the road to the Hilton for my breakfast with Mike. I headed over to the gas station and took care of my morning ablutions and as I got to the bus stop, either one bus was 20 minutes late, or the other was 15 minutes early, bur anyway I was able to arrive 15 minutes early and grab a free cup of coffee and relax on the couch before Mike showed up at 8:00 am.

I don't think I would have recognized him at first glance if he had not been wearing a Md. State Police polo shirt and hadn't called out a hello from down the hallway. I instantly recognized his voice..THAT is exactly the same although the body shows the 20 or so years since our last meeting, and he chooses to sport the same hair style as I do, a common choice for the follicly challenged male.....lol!

We had a good breakfast from the buffet and it was again a pleasure to use real silverware and have hot food I did not have to cook. We stepped back into conversation and friendship as if it had only been a few weeks since we last saw one another...(except for the obvious things such as....multiple marriages, children and step children...lol!). He retired as a high ranking officer in the command and operation structure of the Md. State Police a few years ago, and the last time I saw him he was beginning his climb up into the realm of the political 'wonderland' of the agency, and I was at the beginning of my high speed downhill slalom on the mountain of 'Colombian Snow'. I was still aware enough to realize that association with me could only cause him trouble so after our last evening out..(at the Firehouse Tavern in Carney which was owned by a fellow volunteer firefighter)...I broke off our association and for his sake, I am glad it turned out well.

We talked for about an hour and a half and the conversation kept jumping from past tp present as we caught up with each other's lives, interspersed with many "do you remember whens" and "what ever happened to??" I think both of us realized how much we have missed each other, (for a 6 year period, during the important formative years of junior high and high school we were pretty much inseparable, and still so, although to a somewhat lesser extent for the next 3 or 4 years after graduation...I mean he's the guy who took me in handcuff's, while he was in full uniform, to the courthouse for my wedding, and was my best man...[needless to say the soon to be wife and inlaws were a bit freaked out when I entered the judges chambers...lol!]...and I was an usher at his wedding, to the woman who I had finally gathered up the courage to ask out....and who HE had asked out 20 minutes earlier....lol!), and how much we don't want it to be another 20+ years!

Stop The Presses!

Okay!!!! we're in realtime here now! This is bizarre!!! I am sitting here typing and I look up and the librarian is pointing me out to a woman across the table, sying "there is Mr. Cluster". She comes up and introduces her self, aying her maiden name is the sam s mine and could we be related? She saw the JT article and since she frequents the library also has been checking to see if I am her when she is.

This is so freaky, she may be a cousin, from my grandfather's first marriage, whic hwas adeep dark family secret, which my father, (and possibly my grandmother also), did not know about until his father's death, because in those days, it just was not done, leaving a wife and family, especially in the Jewish community. i am signing off now, she is waiting to talk with me.

more as this story develops!

later.......................Dave

"Time To Break Out The Suit With The ZipLoc Pockets!............................."

Good Evening;

Well I'm sporting the short and fuzzy look thanks to Jenn and the clippers. My 2 year old grand daughter Devon kept running back and forth in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide as saucers, giggling her head off as I got sheared! I sat down on the couch afterwards and she crawls up next to me and rubs her hands over my skull and then rubbing her pet monkey and laughing. I'm a cheap date and good for a laugh too......lol.

I hung out at Jenn's after they left for the playground, showered and watched a bit of TV, and relaxed and enjoyed just being able to do so....inside, on a couch.

When I came in Jenn said,"Tom says he'll give you $10.00 if you take all the trash to the dumpster"...laughing, knowing that I always tend to gather up all the empty soda boxes and whatever had been stuck out on the porch and take it to the dumpster anyway, being anile about the subject. They knew that I was broke and have not been asking them for money, knowing that they have been in a financial pinch recently too. So they decide to help me out in a way that saved face on both sides.

After they came home I went down to Monkee's and left her the $10.00 and picked up the bupes she set aside for me.

I'm broke again, but with a full belly...thanks to Jenn's shrimp, chicken, and veggie pasta in an Alfredo sauce she made last night...and enough meds for the next week,and the peace of mind that comes with that.

I have been making travel arrangements by e-mail for Sunday's Mitzvah Day at Beth Israel, it looks as if I'm going to get picked up at Jenn's place, where I am spending Saturday night so as to be showered and shaved and squeaky clean on Sunday morning. It's both delightful and daunting that the woman who read my story in the JT, and then the blog, thinks I have something to say that is worth hearing and will somehow help to further foster the volunteerism that is one of the purposes of the day.

Well, that's about it for today.

I have a date tomorrow morning with the Pikesville Hilton's Breakfast Buffet....oh yeah and my old friend Mike, who I haven't seen in over 20 years....(damn, has it really been that long?!?!)...who saw the JT or Baltimore Mag, and contacted me by e-mail. We've exchanged phone numbers, but keep playing 'phone tag' and missing one another. I wonder if I'll even recognize him at first?

No worries, everyone seems to think I look the same, and knows who I am, just grayer and fatter, and besides, there are always the photos in the mags. for ID purposes....lol.

Back after breakfast..................Dave

"Never Again!!!!!!!!!!!...................."

Good Morning;

After I stopped by and visited with Rachel, and then got soaked waiting for buses, I spent yesterday afternoon and evening at the Starbucks in Mt. Washington sitting and chatting with my friend John Erby, (of Umbrella Radio), discussing evrything from politics to education..or the lack of it..to computers to music. In that conversation we touched on the subject of revisionist history and denial of events accepted and proven by the rest of humanity. This morning this is in my e-mail inbox:

From The Baltimore Jewish Times:

Neil Rubin
He’s An Evil Bishop
Posted: 21 Apr 2010 12:11 PM PDT
As a veteran of interfaith dialogue, I’m somewhat loathe to judge another person’s religious beliefs by my standards. But the fact that Bishop Richard Williamson can call himself a believer in God’s love is unfathomable.
In fact, by now one is hard pressed to describe him as anything other than evil. How else can one approach the news that the Catholic bishop – denounced by his own Roman Catholic Church – will appeal last week’s court ruling that found him guilty of Holocaust denial?
Williamson, a bishop from the breakaway Society of Saint Pius X, keeps defending absurd declarations about how no more than 300,000 European Jews could have been killed in the Shoah. In 2008, he even told a Swedish reporter in a recorded broadcast that there is no way any Jew was murdered in Nazi gas chambers. Such claims, he said, were “lies, lies, lies.”
In displaying a remarkable level of stupidity in rejecting the world’s most documented genocide, Mr. Williamson also made the mistake of giving that interview in Regensberg, Germany. In that country, Holocaust denial is illegal. So on Friday, April 16 a court there found him guilty of denial and upheld a $22,473 fine. While the sum is paltry, the message was large: No person is immune to the consequences of denying the reality of six million corpses.
For the record, members of the Saint Pius group have made rejecting sanity twisted theological truth. The group was founded to oppose the reforms of the 1965 Second Vatican Council; its liberalizations included absolving Jews from the death of Jesus of Nazareth; prior to that, Christian anger unleashed centuries of anti-Jewish persecution, blood libel and outright murder.
Sadly, as a nod to internal Church politics, in January 2009 Pope Benedict XVI welcomed Mr. Williamson and three other Pius Society bishops back into the fold. The pontiff has unequivocally denounced Holocaust denial. Still, the latest news only bolsters claims – including voices within the Church – about how noxious it is to give any respect to such haters of humanity.
The good news is that I’ve had too many conversations with Catholics to think that the Church is a bastion of anti-Semitism. Rather, it is a huge bureaucracy in which the American contingent is vastly more liberal – and at a minimum more open to conversation – than those in Rome for whom the Middle Ages are not quite over.

I just feel that this is a subject that affects all of us and cannot be dismissed.

Evil Ignored is Evil Enabled!

I'm over to Jenn's now to get my hair cut off.....

.... be back later..........Dave

"Not For the Faint Of Heart................"

Good Afternoon;

So.....ANOTHER reason I try to avoid shelters, and soup kitchens, and drop-in centers, and encampments, etc. where many of the chronic, or long term, street level and.....ummm......'lower echelon' homeless gather.

WARNING!!

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY UGLY REALITY

IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

IF YOU ARE OF A SENSITIVE NATURE

DO NOT CONTINUE!!

I'M NOT JOKING!

THE FOLLOWING IS F*CKING GROSS AND DISGUSTING!

I stopped in a facility in the City (that will remain unnamed for legal purposes) that offers assistance to the homeless, at times direct, at times through referrals, to try to verify a rumor I heard earlier today regarding a new program that places people in private housing through a need based grant process with few hoops to jump through and very little bureaucratic song and dance, and which had immediate openings with no waiting list and would accept people with PENDING S.S.A. claims.

The rumor was typical of most of it's kind, 1% true & 99% twisted out of context.

While there I needed to use the bathroom. I went into the men's room and stepped into a stall just vacated by a man who was obviously homeless and on drugs, and most likely emotionally, mentally, or developmentally disabled, (to be PC). I immediately exited the stall, gagging and nearly vomiting all over the room.

In the stall, in the bowl, AND ON the toilet seat was feces......which is nasty enough, but which I sometimes see at the library. What had me nauseated beyond belief was the fact that it was crawling with worms!

Never again, am I going to any of these places!

A one in a million occurence you may say...I think not!

And...I don't want to find out!

later.....................Dave

" The Telltale Heart?.......or.......The Chicken Heart?..............Thump Thump.......Thump Thump......Thump Thump..............."

Good Morning;

Blood Pressure Update;

The Lisonopril/HCTZ seems to be working:

The Systolic..(maximum or upper reading)..is ranging between 140 and 117 with an average of 125.

The Diastolic..(minimum or lower)..is ranging between 85 and 75 with an average of 78.

125/78.....

I can live with that, and the slight side effects....

dry mouth and throat at times and the occasional light headedness.

One MAJOR worry eliminated.

Losing consciousness, being rushed to the E.R. with a B.P. of 200/110, and feeling as if I was cocooned in cotton candy while my mind was flowing like frozen Jello, was an experience I do not wish to repeat any time soon.

Later.............Dave

"Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?.............Take II............................."

Good Morning;

When I left here last night I was tired, cranky, lonely, depressed and broke.

You'll be happy to know that this morning....I am no longer tired......lol.

I sat outside and read until around 11:30 pm., after stopping at the Giant and getting a cup of ice cream..(Moose Tracks)..and some Palmer's chocolate covered egg shaped candys left over from Easter and reduced to $0.12 each...(I wish this keyboard had a 'Cents' symbol key)...peanut butter and butter cream filled. They're not that great, but they fill the 'sugar gap'....LOL!

I slept fairly well and was up at 7:30 am. in time to get to the Giant and then meet Liz. She picked me up on the corner and we went to Prologue to fill out the last of THIS batch of paper work for the S.S.I. application, and it can now be faxed to S.S.A. It turns out my file was one of the files the Feds inspected when they came earlier this week to do one of their annual random audits and inspections. This is typical of my luck, when Liz wanted to check on something in the file, it was not where it should have been. If not for the fact that it was only a day or so ago that it was moved....and she needed it today....you know that it would have been lost, destroyed, or misfiled....lol!

I am still stressed about having absolutely no money at all for the next few weeks...(and hoping my visit to D.S.S. did not throw a monkey wrench into the works...like last time I got 'recon'ed, as they call it). Speaking of monkeys, I am also fretting over the fact that I am down to one days worth of my meds, and I don't want to try to stretch my line of credit for another 11 days, granted it is only another $25.00, but I owe her $20.00 and even though she would most likely cover me...I just don't want to go there.

I also won't be able to DO anything with Rachel for a couple weeks, not even just take her on the bus...(the disability bus pass will not allow for children, as will the full fare pass allow 2 kids under 6 yrs. old)...and go to the park or walk around the harbor.

I know it sounds like I am whining about little things, but when it's all you've got...the size of the problem is magnified.

Time's up this session...back later.

I'm going to stop by and see Rachel for a few minutes at her mother's and borrow the clippers so Jenn can cut all my hair off tomorrow.

see ya....................Dave

"Second Reading : .......Stealing From The Native Hawaiians Again. (The Akaka Bill In Congress.)............"

Good Morning;
This is worthy of a second look:
Stealing From The Native Hawaiians Again. (The Akaka Bill In Congress.)
Aloha..................Dave

"Mine....Mine....Mine................."

Good Evening;

So I have had a comment suggesting that I use the left aligned margin style for the blog instead of this center aligned style of which I am enamoured. The point being that it would be easier to read. ...Hmmmmm.

Well I just sat here for the past 30 minutes just clicking the "next blog" tab up on the bar at the top, looking at about 50 different blogs and noting there style, (and occasionally dipping into the content).

My thoughts on the matter are;

There are some talented webmasters out there!

A whole lot of folks, take a whole lot of photos!

There are only a few blogs I'd be interested in following!

All the others are left aligned, even the 'wrap around' types!

I like the way my center alignment looks!

Damn!......it continues to be one of those days, I spend my last $0.50 to call Rachel and get the effin' voice mail and cannot hang up quick enough...which means I lost the quarters, and my phone has 1 minute left, which I am saving for an emergency....or if I get a call from certain numbers....same difference.

As you can tell I am still here, actually here again, at the library, babbling. I went down to the Giant and grabbed a salad for dinner and again sat out on the library's picnic table and ate and read. I will most likely sit outside tonight as long as I can reading somewhere, until I get chilly, then head into the shed. The usual warm weather pattern was to sit at the Starbucks, at their patio tables, first at the one in Pikesville until it closed, and then at the one in Owings Mills, until the sidewalk was torn up. The Starbucks at Mt. Washington is not conducive to late night reading and relaxation due to the fact that the police frequently patrol the area and take a dim view of folks being in the area after hours. They politely bother the hell out of you until you leave...(if you are legal, others they hassle and arrest).

I have 2 more episodes of 'Jeeves and Wooster' left, and the battery should have enough charge for them when I do slip into the shed....oh right it's Tuesday the one night there is any activity in the immediate vicinity....no DVD until after midnight because of the light factor...well I've got the Playaway audio book too.

The flashlight batteries have finally given out and no amount of CPR will help, it is a pain in the ass using the DVD player screen as a light source, but it works. That means I'll only be able to watch a single episode, ah well, I have to be sure and get up in time to meet my caseworker Liz for aride tomorrow morning anyway, with any luck I'll get some sleep.

And she'll make pot of coffee at the office for me!

Mountain Dew has the caffeine, but not the heat or the satisfaction in the morning.

Out of time.....again,

see you Wednesday..........Dave

P.S. .... I just noticed...the time listed as the posted time is the time I logged in not the time I actually hit the publish button!

"Once More....With Feeling.........................."

Good Afternoon Again;

Well I was lucky and there was no line so I am back right away.

I did sleep for a decent stretch last night, first from about 11:30 pm. until 1:30 pm. when it was either get up or get wet...lol, and then from 1:45 pm until almost 7:30 am., I just couldn't seem to find a reason or the motivation to move, (classic symtoms of clinical depression), and I ended up dozing on and off until almost 11:00 am. I went to the Giant and got the makings for a sandwich, (and while I was wandering the store I felt really light headed, and almost stoned...maybe the combination of Lisonpril on an empty stomach, the flu shot reaction, the low fever and no coffee?...on TOP of the depression..), and then walked over to the rear of the library and sat at the picnic table in the shade eating and reading for about an hour and a half, (I had a Diet Mountain Dew for the caffeine), then came in to the computers, where I attended to my e-mail chores and then watched an episode of 'Jeeves and Wooster' and....here I am.

I have noticed that when I am flat broke with no cash in sight for a significant period of time, everything seems to be more intense, little annoyances take on larger shape, if I still have food credits I can't trade for cash, I tend to eat more and better, and a fatalistic..WTF..attitude prevails.

I received an E-mail from Liz, saying she will pick me up at 8:30 am. tomorrow, (Wed.), morning.....maybe I was mistaken about yesterday?...who the hell knows right now, i can't seem to think straight or remember anything. I sent off an E-mail to try to arrange transportation for Sunday's Mitzvah Day at Beth Israel, and I am awaiting a reply.

It has not been totally f*cked this week, on Sunday while I was in the Whole Foods next to the Starbucks in Mt. Washington, I ran into Janis and we stood in the aisle for half an hour talking and she gave me a ride back to the shed and we sat and talked for another 15 minutes, it was nice to catch up.

Speaking of the Starbucks, for some reason the atmosphere of the place seems a bit tense. Employees seem to be kind of on edge and less than happy. I just a get a mildly uncomfortable vibe. Whether or not this is because of any fallout due to the middle managements reaction to some things mentioned in the 2 articles, I am not sure. And of course it is at a time when due to financial lack, my options are limited as to where to go.

Another thing I have noticed is that being broke and homeless during bad weather and winter's lesser daylight time seems to sting less, (I mean on a mental or emotional level, not the obvious physical challenges winter presents). A nice day, such as today, especially when the depression is in full swing, hurts worse because of having more things to not be able to do due to lack of funds and longer sunlit hours.

I'm out of time this session.................

....later...........Dave

"And So It Goes............................."

Good Afternoon;

So I'm sitting here at the computer and the...'baby's mama'...[plural!] type next to me reaches across my face and grabs the headphones from this computer and says excuse me unplugs them and starts to take them!!!...And when I say "excuse me I'm about to use them...cusses me out!" Jeez, what the hell is the library coming to? Damn ghetto behavior!!!

Now the headphone cord has a broken wire where she grabbed it and is cutting in and out...

It's been that kind of a week so far, filled with annoyances, both minor and major. Now the guy who works at the Giant and reeks of tobacco, who Sunday had to stand almost right over me and upwind and smoke his damn handrolled cigarettes, when the whole damn area was empty sits down next to me.....I gotta go before I puke from the smell.

..back soon................Dave

" DO OVER....I Call For A DO OVER Today!........................."

Good Evening;

So it's 8:35 pm. and I just got online....yeah it was one of those kind of days.

Slept poorly and felt lousy, I'm running that low grade fever again. My left leg, just above the ankle is infected where I must have scratched at the funk growing there...(eczema/fungus/psoriasis?...take your pick)...in my sleep until it bled. Now I'm worrried that I have picked up the MRSI from Jenn and family. It is also a probable reaction from the 2 flu shots.

So I think I was supposed to meet Liz this morning, she was going to pick me up on the way to Prologue...but I just was not feeling right this morning so I texted her to say I was not going to make it, and that I would e-mail her later in the day......well you see what time I got on the computer...I'l have to call tomorrow. I called Jenn and asked to come by and wash clothes, and she said sure, they were going to the playground. I went over and cooked my self a chop after they left and showered and then went to go into the laundry room in the complex...the door is locked. I text Jenn with my last minute on the phone to ask.."where?"...and get back "SH*T...in my purse!" Well when she gets home 3 hours later I throw the load in, and since I am stuck there anyway...end up watching the kids until Tom is supposed to be home, about 5:30 pm. while Jenn ran out to the gym...no big deal. When I put the clothes in the dryer, some nice piece of crap who lives in the complex opened the dryer and did not shut it all the way, so the minutes ticked away and the dclothes stayed wet. I put my last dollar in the dryer and get them dry...and see a text that Tom is gonna be an hour or so later that he thought due to traffic and the line here at the library... and so it goes to day..now the library is closing and I'm not done what I have to do.....

later....Dave

"A Spike In Each Arm.....Keeps The Doctor Away......................."

Good Afternoon;

I left here yesterday and went across town to Monkee's and sat on her porch for 2 hours waiting for her to get back from the hairdressers. I ate the salad I made at the Giant earlier that morning...(Spring mix greens, romaine and iceberg lettuces, diced tomatoes, grilled and oven roasted chicken strips, sliced and slivered radishes, ham salad, croutons, cantaloupe, honey toasted pecans, huge juicy blackberries, creamy caesar dressing, shredded Parmesan cheese, surimi-[fake crab chunks], and balls of fresh mozzarella.......the fruit and the nuts really worked, especially the blackberries........and of course today, there were none on the salad bar...story of my life)...and listened to the Playaway audio book I currently have checked out...(A collection of Louis LaLamour short stories read by Willie Nelson, with some of them dramatized and acted out with Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson, Willie, and others)...'til she got home. After I got a couple days worth of 'bupes' on credit...( I really have to find exactly what's what with this M.A. in regards to getting a legitimate source). I ran into my old buddy Barry, who lives across the alley from Monkee and we talked for a while, and there must of been 10 people who I had not seen in ages walk past us. I then went by bus and train to Mt. Washington to the coffee shop, where I stayed until closing...it was a real slow night..(as was Friday)..at times I was the only customer there.

I mentioned as I was signing off yesterday that I could feel the cloud of depression descending upon me. Things got foggier and foggier as the night wore on. The one time I wanted someone to stop by and talk, something more than a superficial chat, no one shows up. Any other time, if I want to watch a movie or read...I can't escape the attention......last night...nada.

After I got back to the shed, via the Giant and a medicinal box of donuts from the day old reduced rack and a pint of milk, I watched some more of "Jeeves and Wooster" until the battery died, then lay there, unable to sleep for the next 4 &1/2 hours, mind racing and thoughts all twisted and confused as the black fog of depression enveloped me in a shroud of despair. I had asked Jenn earlier that night if I could come over and shower and do a load of laundry. She said they had no money on the card for the washers and dryers, I told her I was broke and would just come over and shower. I had woken up about a quarter to seven to the bladder's urgent alarm, and fell back asleep, waking at the same time the phone rang, eating up my last minute, at 10:00 am. It was Jenn asking if I was coming over. I told her that it made no sense if I could not wash clothes and I'd see her later. I finally made it out of the sleeping bag about 11:30 am. and went over to the Giant to use the facilities and get some thing for breakfast..(and the coffee machine is still broken)..but it was insanely busy. So much so that they had stock people working the registers. I could not make up my mind whether to sit and wait for the library to open or get on the bus and head over to the Starbucks, (I have enough on the assorted cards for a cup of coffee, I sat on the payphone for 20 minutes after calling the toll free number and keying in all the numbers on the cards and writing the totals down and adding them up), dithering back and forth.

There was a Baltimore County Health department van in front of the library offering both H1N1 and Seasonal flu shots for free, so I decided what the hell, why not! I had a woman on each arm, jabbing me with a syringe.....(brings back memories of the old days.....lol). The Nurse Practitioner who interviewed me suggested that some of my chronic medical issues may be related to Fibromyalgia. There are times, like........Now!, when EVERYTHING hurts, and I am always tired and yet cannot sleep until I literally pass out. This is the third time this has been brought up in a casual medical atmosphere, as soon as I get this M.A. confusion straightened out, and a permanent primary physician to work with, I have to get some accurate diagnoses about this. I think that Liz and I also have to amend some of the S.S.A. forms to reflect this.

I then came in here and signed in for the computer, and waited 40 minutes. This is the second session for me and I think it's gonna be the last, the list is now too long. I'm going to get some coffee at the Starbucks and sit in the sun for a while, with any luck I'll fall asleep for a while. I just hope I don't fall asleep on the train or the bus and end up in south or east Baltimore...lol. One of the worst things about being without a residence is having no place to just sit and spend time doing nothing. Everyday I have to get up out of the sleeping bag and go somewhere else. If you have nowhere to go, all you do is get out of bed and go into another room, or even just sit in a chair or lay in bed in your bedroom, I don't have that available. And when there is absolutely NO money in my pocket and the depression is weighing me down and I have no place to go.....here come those "ideations" as the head doctors call them. The vicious circles keep getting smaller and tighter until they are like a 'black hole', an intense psycho-gravitational anomaly that sucks in not only all matter, light, and energy, but eventually even the last bit of hope, finally crushing soul and psyche. Sometimes the only answer seems to be to cut and run, taking the ultimtate adventure ride to the true 'last frontier', while the choice is still mine...........Yeah,welllll, enough of that.

I guess I'll be back here tomorrow....or do I have a meeting with Liz tomorrow morning to fill out the rest of the paperwork for S.S.A.? The short term memory loss is getting worse. I am starting to forget all kinds of things now. The short term memory loss is getting worse. I am starting to forget all kinds of things now.

I guess I'll be back tomorrow.

.............later...........................................Dave

"Once More....Over The Top............!"

Good Morning;

So the choice this morning is between spending my last dollar on a cup of coffee OR kicking both caution and common sense to the curb and placing an offering on the altar of Dame Fortune and buying a Keno ticket. The coffee machine at the Giant is not only no longer set to dispense free coffee, it is also out of order, (and there are no cups). I'll tell you how it turns out later today or tomorrow afternoon. One way or another I need some coffee. I can probably shuffle through my deck of assorted Starbucks gift cards, some of which have positive balances of $0.09 to $0.50, to scrounge up $1.50...I'll just have to make sure that there is no one behind me in line at the time as one of the barristas swipes and reads each card, one by one by one......lol.

I rode the buses over to the coffee shop yesterday evening afterr I signed off here, as you remember I was worried about getting caught in a down pour. As I walked out the doors the rain stopped suddenly and the sun came out. By the time I got to Starbucks the sky had clouded up again and of course when I finally got my coffee and the newspaper and got settled in, and the bench and table rearranged, and the DVD player opened and turned on, and everything set up and comfortable....it began to rain again. Big fat drops of water that hit and exploded in to myriads of pieces of liquid shrapnel, soaking everything in sight. I grabbed the things most likely to be damaged by water and ran in side and dumped them on the nearest table and dashed back out and grabbed the rest of my things, banging my knee and losing my balance and falling against the door frame and hitting and twisting my neck...(that had just healed!!)...in the process.

Of course the rain immediately stopped.

The Starbucks is having major A/C issues, (it was so hot at one point yesterday that one of the barristas nearly passed out at the register, as she turned a bit too quickly to serve a customer......in front of the area manager who treats all the employees as if they are merely furniture or equipment, just another part of the inventory on a computer printout.....Ah, yes...big business in America...wage slaves and corporate whores...but I digress...), and it gets pretty warm inside, even when it is not extremely hot outside, so I wiped off the bench and the table and started to move back out to the patio....when the rain began again. I guess you can see where this is going, huh? Yeah, everytime I even thought about going back out, it started to rain....then stopped after a few minutes.

I left the Starbucks at closing and took the scenic route back to Pikesville, making the connections that combined the least amount of walking between stops and having bus shelters with good enough lighting to read by. I stopped by the library and sat under the portico to finish reading the last dozen or so pages of my book, (in the rain again, and as I finished the wind began to pick up), "Ghosts Of Manhattan", by George Mann, (SF/Mystery/Crime novel--'Steam Punk' genre...not bad), then hit the shed and watched some more "Jeeves and Wooster" on the DVD player until the battery died. Another night of unrestful sleep, I spent most of it listening to the wind, as it whistled, roared, and moaned, shaking and rattling the shed and all the bits and pieces hanging off of it.

I got up about 8:30 am and as I said went to the Giant looking for coffee, no luck on that but I got a salad for breakfast and now I'm about to cruise over to Monkee's and take advantage of her generosity for a few day's worth of meds until I can find a way to raise some cash.

I feel as if the 'Big Dipper of Depression', as the emotional rollercoaster I seem to be involutarily strapped into is called..(in the front seat of the first car no less...lol), is about to start it's descent into Hell's Canyon.....hang on, sometimes it's a bumpy ride!

Later.....................Dave

"Paper Trails And Government Snails...................................."

Good Afternoon;

Wow, 84 degrees today, and forecast high for tomorrow of 61 degrees!

All these hot flashes, somebody give Mother Nature something for her menopause!...LOL!..(or a dose of Ritalin for the ADHD...lol).

So Liz and I went to D.S.S., (Northwest Family Investment Center, Reisterstowm Rd. At Menlo Dr. in the old Fairlanes Bowling Alley...uh-oh...showing my age again), it was her first trip there and when I explained that it mirrored the patrons and attitude and odor and noise level of the City run shelters and some other shelters and missions, differing only in gender ratio,...she "GOT!" why I avoid them like the plague. We were only there about an hour and a quarter, 10 minutes to go through security and sign in, 20 minutes of waiting before being called into the 're-con' room, 20 minutes waiting in there before being called to a workers desk, 20 minute with the worker as he checked the forms we had filled out, (3 sets..2 we had brought from prologue, 1 the sign in worker had given us...PLUS the pages the worker had to go fetch because the packet we had been given on arrival was incomplete. ALL the same in terms of information given, but each arranged in a different manner, with different revision dates, [2 forms only 2 months apart], and one with a slew of cover/instruction pages....INCLUDING...LOL!! 1 page boasting about their participation in the ..wait for it..............'Paper Work Reduction Act'......ROTFLMAO!!!

We filled out some more of the reams of paper sent by S.S.A in regards to my S.S.I. claim, and we tried to get a straight answer about how long the extension that was suppose to have been granted actually is...anywhere from Friday, (today), to NEXT Friday, to 60 Days from the 26th of March...who the hell knows????

My biggest fear is that they will somehow misfile...HA!...my recertification and I will not get anything on May 2nd, or 7th. It won't be the first time it's happened...or the 10,000th....just read the newspaper.

I took a shower at Prologue, and shaved and changed into my goofy shorts, (what the heck..they're shorts, and it's hot out....I'll live with it)..

I don't know what to do now, I am so broke I can't even pay attention! And now the sky is as dark at 5:07 pm. as it usually is at 7:30 pm.....Uh--OHHH, was that thunder......loverly, simply effin' loverly, a storm front just as the library is about to close and the next bus is 20 minute away and there is no cover on any of these stops near here. Now the power is fluctuating and the lights are flickering......Grrreeeaattttttttt!

Well if I can....operative word IF!, I'm going to head to the Starbucks, because it is the only place I can go sit for free.

I gotta get some cash tomorrow....somehow. I need to see Monkee and get some meds.

I wanted to see Rachel at least to take a walk, but she is staying over Bubbies this weekend.

Welllll, I guess I'm gonna sit and eat, I can't even afford a beer, so I'll 'munch' my blues away....lol!

Buuurrpppp!

See you tomorrow..........Dave

"Paper Cuts Can Be Hazardous To Your Mental Health......................"

Good Morning;

I'm sitting in the computer lab at Prologue with Liz while we are trying to save some time by filling out the D.S.S. recertification form on line.

Of course the setup is designed to be as obstructionist as possible. We can only print out the forms needed and still have to go down to the location and wait...and wait..and wait......snore.........! OH Sorry, dozed off there...LOL!

Last night was a bad night for sleeping, even the bird above me was restless..and Noisy!

Okay, gotta go now and put the same information down that is already on file 8 times so far. Then wait 2 hours until some one looks at it and says okay you can go now .

Then they will lose it and I will have to do it all over again, we may as well fill out 2 copies now!

Later........Dave

"I Must Be A Mushroom --- Living In Darkness And Dampness And Being Fed Shit....................."

Good Afternoon;

Okay, the doctor wants me to chart my blood pressure over the next 2 weeks.

Rather than trying to carry around a sheet of paper, and of course not being able to find it and starting another sheet and then finding it after a few days...etc., I'm going to do it here...lucky you...lol.

Monday's avg.-----145/98

Tuesday's avg-----140/90

Wednesday's avg.-140/85

Thursday's avg. ---142/75

I started the Lisonpril/HCTZ on Thursday of last week, the BP before I began had averaged 145/110, so the diastolic, (minimum) pressure has steadily declined.I have been checking it in the Giant on the free automatic sphygmomanometer, (Gee, I love that word..lol!!), and while it may not be as precise as the measurements from the doctor's office, (though now that I think back, both doctor's technicians/nurses got wrong readings of 'normal'..120/80..and when I told the doctor she, in both cases..lol, got a measurement more in line with my averages...hmmm?), it is extremely consistent and will illuminate any trends.

So, last night after I left the Starbucks, after spending the afternoon at Jenn's being a combination nanny, chef, and laundress, I slipped into the shed just out of sight of the local gendarmes as they drove around the corner....(they have to wondering where I disappeared to.....lol). My flashlight batteries gave up the ghost even before I could get the door closed so I was working blind as my eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness. I got the bar in place and headed back to the rear, wishing I was either a mole or a bat, with the proper sensory receptors for working in the dark. I ALMOST remembered exactly where the two separate step ups, and the overhead low hanging drainage board was...Ow..Oww..Owww! At least the knot on my head cancels out the stubbed toes...........LOL! I finally made it to my sleeping area without permanent damage...(though who would be able to tell....lol!)...and pulled out the DVD player and opened the screen and turned it on....Let There Be Light!! Of course I had no movies, but it was enough light to read by for an hour before the battery died.

I now have to be sure I charge it somewhere and decide whether it is more important to buy a pair of D batteries at the dollar store, or hold on to the 3 dollars that I have left. Decisions...decisions.....lol!

I just checked out 2 DVDs, 'Napoleon", a history/biography A&E series, and "Jeeves and Wooster" , the P.G. Wodehouse stories, also from A&E. Now I have 25 hours of video to watch and use a light fro the next 12 & 1/2 nights..(2 hour battery life...lol), which should keep me until I am able to (hopefully) cash the check or money order from the synagogue I am supposed to speak at on the 25th. Food is OK, with the Stamps I have left, now I have to figure out where to get some bucks for my meds when the 'bupe' runs out on Saturday, and coffee money 'til then too.

I am not expecting any other monies until May 2nd..(IF my recertification process is not screwed up this Friday).
I am meeting with Liz for a couple hours tomorrow morning before we go to D.S.S., to fill out MORE paperwork for the S.S.I. claim. That is how S.S.A. sets the system up, so people get so tired of all the forms and repetition and 'lost' paperwork, and revised questionaires, and building in 2 denials automatically, that folks just give up. Like I have before....but not this time, thanks to having an advocate who is familiar with the system.

I received an e-mail today from someone who tried to give me some clothing a few weeks ago. It was an Orthodox Jewish person, commonly known by themselves and others as 'Frum', and the clothing was typical of the 'unofficial uniform' of these folks; white dress shirts, black trousers, vest, and suit coat. Besides the fact that the clothes were not very clean, and that some were ripped, frayed and stained, they were of a synthetic blend, polyester and other fibers, which is hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and generally ill fitting. On top of that, the waist MAY have fit me, (I looked at the size tag, I was not abouit to try them on), the previous owner was about 6 inches shorter than I was.

I declined, (I thought gracefully and courteously), thanking this person, and suggesting that someone in Their community might be better off served by the donation, than I would. The individual stormed off in a huff and I have been getting anonymous comments and dead-drop e-mails ever since (which I have not chose to publish) of an insulting and denigrating nature, accusing me of scamming everyone and not really being homeless and being an 'elitist snob'.

Hmmm....I may well be a bit of an elitist snob in some cases, such as choosing not to look like a tasteless geek in my clothing choices, and electing to avoid certain segments of society that I have little in common with...rich, poor, homeless or not... I'll own up to that. It is my perogative to say no if I want to, to associating with people who I dislike, for any reason, and to accepting someone else's trash that they are offering as a gift to please their own ego, or salve their own conscience.

Yes I do accept most things that most folks so kindly offer, but I believe, and I think that I am being honest, that I do not abuse their generosity or take undue advantage of anyone. There have been occasions where I told people I was okay, and refused a meal, or a drink, or (rarely, I'll admit to this, but I have), cash; when I felt that the person has done too much for me, and I have felt guilty, (justified or not), at taking anything else at that time.

Just because I, or any homeless person refuses a gift here, and accepts another there, does not mean that we are ungrateful or overly picky.

It is not a crime to have either pride, self respect, or taste.

And there is also the matter of safe food storage, or just a place to store things at all. Many of us just don't have one.

We are not a quick and easy dumping ground or a doll for you to dress up to show off to everyone.."Oh look over there, I gave him those clothes...wasn't that nice of me"

Yeah, can you tell somebody pushed my buttons on something....lol.

On a different note.

I want to Welcome Follower # 22, Kelly....nice of you to sign on.

I'm heading to the BMA on Sunday!

And still a different note, I see that the JT has filed for a reorganization/bankruptcy protection.

Let's support them as much as possible, if you view it online, buy a copy once in a while, or even subscribe...you can't beat the rates....less than a $1.00.....yes!! less than a dollar.....an issue for a yearly subscription!!

Damn, it's 3:00 already, I'll see you later. If not tomorrow, (Prologue, D.S.S., and the library closes at 5:30 pm.), Saturday morning.

See you.....................Dave

"Run Silent....Run Deep...............Or...........Off To See The Gizzard...."

Good Morning;

What difference between yesterday and today, at least weather-wise, and directly affecting my mood, (or moodiness......LOL), also.

I was in the library for about 4 hours yesterday and on the computer for 45 minutes, and never got around to writing or posting an entry. I spent the time watching "Tin Man" on the portable DVD player and answering and writing e-mails and web surfing.

If you have the chance check out the DVD, it is really cool, a new (2008-09) version of L. Frank Baum's 'The Wonderful Wizard of OZ', set in world where magic and technology, (the same thing, as Arthur C. Clarke said.."Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic"), and the look is part lush, green, outdoors epic & part Fritz Lang's "Metropolis"/ Jules Verne "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea", with a taste of "Blade Runner" and the sound of "Harry Potter".

FREE!!! rental at the library!

I met Jenn and Edward at the Giant and she dropped me at Starbucks in the afternoon, then back to the shed, where I passed out from exhaustion and the built up delayed reaction to Monday at HCH. I woke up chilled (but at least the birds were to cold to chirp too!...it was either that or my threats to fricassee the little buggers guts.......lol) and went to the Giant where the coffee machine is still set up to dispense free coffee...Ssshhhhh!...like it was yesterday when all the corporate big-wigs were in the store.

I am on my way to Jenn's to babysit while she goes to the gym, and shower and do laundry. Which is good because I have not enough money to wash, much less dry a load at the laundromat. It is not one of my better months, financially, I'm down to my last $5.00 and I have 5 minutes left on my SafeLink phone & the other one is empty of minutes. I have meds for BP, back muscle strain, and 'The Fungus Humungus' on my leg, and 4 days worth of my 'bupe'. I do have about $100.00 of food credit, but I cannot find anyone to trade with for cash.

Oh well, another month of 'food for thought', as I think about how I really gotta lose weight while munching out on some goodies.....LOL!

I'm hoping that any compensation I may receive from my invitation to speak on the 25th will be in cash..(doubtful), or that they will purchase a postal M.O. if I ask nicely, so I can cash it easily. But in the meantime, it's case of stretching George and pinching Abe until they scream.....lol!

I can't complain too much though, I had a great time with Rachel, twice going to spectacular shows, and being able to buy her a couple gifts 'just because'.

I was also able to send off a few dollars to 2 of the causes I support, again, 'just because', I both needed and wanted to pass on some of my good fortune, when I had it in my pocket.

I'm late for the bus, oops, gotta go, Jenn's waiting for me..........

.......later...............Dave

"And For The Rich People............ ..........You Sing!!........."

Good Afternoon;

So I left here yesterday and went to the Starbucks and ran into my pal John Erby of Umbrella Radio, (and other ventures in the music and recording industry). We had a long conversation interspersed with a few breaks for coffee and reading and computer work, covering everything from music to the Internet to entrepreneurism to the crash of the jet carrying most of Poland's government.

http://www.umbrellaradio.com/

is his website, 78 continuous hours of local musicians and music...FREE!!

CHECK IT OUT!

Again with the damn chirping and scratching and scraping....AND this morning one of the stupid fine feathered f*cks tumbles into the shed and I spend 10 minutes chasing it's avian ass down before I can toss a piece of cloth over it and shove it back out the gaping hole where the insulation fell away! As I am stuffing a piece of cardboard in the hole, another one craps on my hand and arm!!!

Anybody got a spare cat for rent?........LOL!

So I slept like crap last night even before the birdie B & E, and when I went to Prologue to meet Liz at 8:30 am. like I though we were supposed to meet, turns out it was 10:00 am., and I had an hour to kill before she showed up. Washed up, shaved, brushed my teeth, brushed them again, and yet again..(Cold Tuna Melt for breakfast..Thanks, Ashley.....LOL!), changed my socks and put the creme on the creeping crud that is colonizing my ankles, snagged a cup of watery coffee, and then we hit the road to Franklin Square Hospital and the offices of Health Care for the Homeless..(HCH)..where I had an anxiety attack and a nasty panic attack. The room felt as if it was contracting, and my mind felt as if it was being compressed within my skull. I wanted to break away and just run, no destination...ANYWHERE.....but there....!

I'm glad Liz was there, for a couple reasons. One...to have a witness, someone to testify on my behalf, that at times I DO become totally debilitated and dysfunctional because of them; and also because she was a familiar anchor that helped me to hang on and ride it out. If I had been there alone....well there is a good chance I would be either locked up, (in an observation room or an isolation cell, it's a 50/50 tossup), or in the process of pushing the plunger on a needle in my arm right about now. Yeah, it was that bad inside my head. I kept saying I don't like the way it feels inside my mind...I don't know if anyone knew how close to edge I was or not. I finally pulled it together just before the doctor came in...(and the examining room was not only overly warm, but must have spent it's previous life as a broom closet, i could literally stretch out my arms and hold back the walls from closing in.

I was asking Liz WHY are we actually here when the doctor came in, she, (and I cannot remember or pronounce her name, but it was African), was very kind and compassionate and competent, if a bit rushed due to the workload. The only thing different from my visit to JAI is that she suggested I STOP putting the creme on my legs, because she noticed the blood and scabs on my left leg from scratching at it in my sleep, she thought it may be some form of eczema, and I wasn't able to get my thoughts in order enough to explain, so I let it drop. I'll maybe cut down and try to moisturize as she suggested, but I am pretty sure it is fungal...from past experience. Other than that we talked about my blood pressure, (which the tech must again have screwed up on, saying it was 120/78, when it was 145/98....3 times!!...earlier.The main reason we had scheduled this appointment was that we had thought I had only the P.A.C. plan, and it would give more options and available resources. Well, now that we know that I have M.A. ...AND!?!...Supposedly?!? ...I can change providers at any time because I am homeless, I SHOULD...that is SHOULD be able to find care on this side of town. I am not going to spend 3 hours each way on buses to go to HCH, especially when the building and offices it is in are part of what triggered the attacks today. Liz is looking into this, and we are due to go to D.S.S. on Friday for re-certification of benefits, so more info MAY be available there.

I had another encounter with a connection with the past there too. Liz told me the person in charge of the social services information could tell us how to switch out of JAI to another HMO or PPO, his name is Carmen, and when Liz is speaking with him about me, he says "I know that name", having read the Baltimore Mag. story, AND having been a patron and friend of Funks and Janet the owner, I don't remember him, but we must have met.

That's one of the reasons this town is called 'Smalltimore'!

Liz offered to buy me lunch when we left HCH, which is near Golden Ring Mall, the site of the only DQ..(that's Dairy Queen for you non-aficionados of fine dining....lol) that I know of in the Baltimore area..(within 5 miles), but the tuna was still swimming around so I chose a Heath bar Blizzard....it was great but I'll pay for it......ooops excuse me...be right back....later.....(LOL!).

She dropped me off here and that's been my day so far. I did manage to make a date for breakfast with my old friend Mike, which I am looking forward to, it's been about....20 years or so I guess.

I'm heading out to the Starbucks and the back patio now.....

............Later Dave