"Cool, Calm, And Collected...................... At Last!!............"

Good Afternoon;

Well I'm back here at the library after a couple days and nights at Jenn's. I am actually looking forward to sleeping outside tonight, the weather is so beautiful. After a dozen days of +90 degree temperatures in a row, at least twice 'officially' hitting 100 degrees, and at least 4 more days of 100 degree temps. that were 'local' and confirmed but not at the 'official' measurement site, it is hard to believe that what we are experiencing now is actually NORMAL for June!

Everyone I have met outside so far, and here in the library, (excepting the 'evil old white haired witch' who is always here bitching and moaning about all and sundry, and telling how "this used to be a very exclusive neighborhood until--insert any or all ethnic or religious groups here--moved in" {actual quotes} who was in rare form today....lol!), has been in a wonderful mood and polite and outgoing to extremes. What a difference a day makes!

I was so overjoyed to be able to spend 5 hours or so with Rachel yesterday, and grateful because she will be gone for the next 7 or 8 days, out to Chicago. Edward was even reasonably sane and behaved pretty good and they played with a minimum of disagreement. I am going to try to stash some money after expenses get taken care of on Friday, (meds, phone, loan, food until the 7th), so we can see 'Toy Story 3 in 3D' when she gets back.

I think I am at loose ends for the 4th of July now that Rachel is away, Jenn and Tom and the kids are going up to his mom's for a picnic and party, (Tom's B-Day is Sat. July 3rd.....I actually was able to give him an unsuspected present, I found a nice new totebag, [which I gave Rachel], and in it a black polo shirt, new, size large, both with "Hard Rock Cafe" logos on them, on the train last Sunday. It sat on a seat as I rode the train from Mt. Washington to BWI Airport, back out to Hunt Valley, and then back down to State Center without being claimed or touched so I checked it out and took it with me when I got off. The Fare Inspector wanted nothing to do with it, and nobody acknowledged owning or seeing who left it and there was no way to identify the purchaser, so I took it. I figure that if anyone can afford to leave it and not come back for it, they coud afford to spare it, since it had to be someone getting off between Lutherville and Hunt Valley.), and I am going to hang out and shower, and maybe wash clothes if needed I think.

Of course I am open to almost any and all invitations and suggestions if any of you feel so inclined, I can even contribute some kitchen and/or grill services and make a donation to the 'malted adult barley pop' fund. If I could find, finagle, scheme, or scam a way to do so, I'd be heading out to spend the day on the beach, Bay, or a boat!

I got ANOTHER spam addressed as a 'Comment' of the blog that I wrote last nigt commenting on the Comment spam I got on the previous blog!

I think that if any public site mentions anything about...."human exhalations of a strength that could knock a buzzard off a sh*t wagon at 50 paces" commonly spoken of in the vernacular represented by the letters "BB", and with a medical/technical nomenclature beginning with the letter "H".... this spam site must ahve a web spider that searches for these references and fires off an e-mail purporting to be from an individual that directs you to sites purveying their product that gave him "blessed relief", and, "Finally Freedom From 'BB'!"

Just what I need, more spam. I get enough on my e-mail address, so much in fact that I sometimes miss messages from people who write me for the first time, afterseeing the invitation to correspond in the header, but with whom I have not previously had contact, so my filters automatically direct them to the junk folder. If you have written me and I have not replied, it is not rudeness, (except for the assholes....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE>>>LOL!!...but error on my part, if you write again, put "Homelesscide" in the subject box please.

Okay, I'm done for now, I think I'll jump on the bus to the coffeeshop and kill a couple hours. Speaking of buses....did you see the news today....about the bus on the Alameda that hit, moved, rolled, and/or trashed 8 cars...while traveling at speed? So far the "official" explanation is that the driver fell asleep or passed out. They gloss over the fact that the bus was speeding in any case and must have been so before the driver was 'incapacitated'. I was on 2 buses the other night, the 58 out of Mt. Washington, and the 59 out of Reisterstown Plaza Station that were traveling 50 mph in a 30 mph zone, and this is a regular occurrence, as are the unnecessary panic stops and jackrabbit starts when people are not yet seated, and lets not talk about the surly, obstructionist, and ignorant attitudes emanating from the drivers at times!

M-T-A = Make Them Accountable!!!!!

Later............................Dave

"Top Of The World..Ma!!!...................."

Good Afternoon;

I'm at Jenn's watching Ed and Devin, and Rachel is here too! She is driving out to Chicago with her mother and her mother's boyfriend and her sister tomorrow for a week so her mom dropped her off here this morning for a while so I could get to see her. I had planned to do something with her over the holiday weekend because as I said before, it is the one holiday when I have money. Such is the story of my life....'I plan, God laughs!'....lol! I ended up leaving here with Jenn when she left to go to her homegroup. I was going to hang out at Starbucks for a while and then catch a ride back to Pikesville when she was finished. On the way there she suggested I spend the night, instead of tonight, since the weather was another record breaker and the heat and humidity is SUPPOSED to break today, as my payback for monstersitting this afternoon while she has more coloring done on her tattoo. I had not been considering spending the night in either case, (usually I only do if it a nighttime session), so I jumped at the chance.

I am here on their laptop, and to tell the truth, I have found that I really prefer a desktop setup.......not that I would have any complaints if someone felt the urge to donate a laptop or lapbook to me of course!!!!, it is just that there is a dearth of clean, uncluttered flat surfaces at Jenn's and I am uncomfortable sitting crosslegged on thr bed or trying to balance it on my knees....I have a little bit too much 'padding' to flex and bend as I used to be able to do....lol.

Well, it's official I finally made the bigtime! I got 'spam' addressed as a comment to the previous post!

The keyword was 'bad breath'! (Okay, it's two words...picky, picky....lol.)

It was a nice homey letter telling of one man's multi-year battle against the horrors of mouth odor, and his trials and tribulations and ultimate victory when he went to a site,..which I am not going to list, as so to avoid being bombarded by other crap,.. that finally freed him from the shackles of halitosis......Uh Huh, sure it was......!

I did not open it because of virus fears for the laptop. If I have not deleted it totally I may look at it in the library tomorrow..(they have heavy duty 'blocker-killer' and warning programs and firewalls as protection.....'industrial grade Listerine' you might call it......LMAO!!!!)

Next thing you know, I might even have been chosen as winner in the Irish Sweepstakes, or even be selected to help some honest but persecuted by his government African transfer his secret fortune to an American bank, and be rewarded with half of the money in gratitude, if I only tell him all my ID numbers, and passwords, and bank codes.....gee, sounds on the up and up to me.............................ya think?...........ROTFLMAO!

Okay, I'm out of here for now, I have to wait for Time

Magazine to call, I just might be in the running for the annual;

[homeless] MAN OF THE YEAR issue!

either that or the Dr. Hook And The Medicine Show's, "Cover Of The Rolling Stone Award".................It's amazing how I retain my humility and modesty as I go out and walk among all the 'little people'.....no,no, don't applaud...just throw money!

Ow, Ow, Ow,....okay,okay,just quit beating me around the head with that sack full of pennies.................................LOL!

Later.................Dave

"Sire, The Peasants Are Revolting" ..................... "They Certainly Are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"...................

Good Morning;

It's 90 degrees, with a heat index of 94 degrees, with about a 60% humidity and a dewpoint of 69 degrees.....at 9:00 am. in the morning!!!!, it cooled all the way down to 85 degrees last night. I sat out and read and finished a book at 2:00 am. before I went into the shed, which had cooled to a comfortable temperature somewhere close to the daytime temps. on the surface of the planet Mercury. I woke up at 7:30 am. drowning in sweat and choking on my own funk. By the time I got some clothes on, (I'm stripping down to skivvies at this point), I felt like I was in a training class of firefighters,.... you know the one where they put them in a sealed room and pump in heat and smoke and keep raising the temperature until they either pass out or cry uncle,.... but with out the instructor decked out in safety gear and oxygen to help out if anyone shows signs of distress! When stepping out into 90 degrees feels nice and cool, you know it's hot inside!

I just have not found a clean, safe, discreet, centrally located place outside where I feel comfortable sleeping. All the places I had in reserve are either now locked, construction sites, or occupied..(legally and illegally).

After yesterday, last night, and this morning my skin feels as if now had a life of it's own, and no matter how much deodorant and air freshener I douse myself in, a mob of crazed villagers are still starting to follow me around with pitchforks, hoes, axes, and torches.

I am awaiting an e-mail from Jenn, letting me know if I can stop in for a shower, sometime soon, and a meal. It looks as if she is either not up or already out at the hospital, (visiting and as moral support), and may have the phone turned off.

I have one last clean change of clothes, but I do not want to put it on until I either shower, or am sure I am not going to be able to and take a 'whore's bath' in a sink.

I just have to state that, even homeless I still smell better than some of the people who live in some of the 'hoods in Baltimore City.

Yesterday as I was on my way to and from Monkee's and Barry's houses I passed many open doors and people sitting on their stoops....OMFG!! the odors emanating from some of these places make being stuck behind a garbage truck as you run over a skunk while boxed in by a truck from the rendering company on a extreme heat, red alert, temperature inversion, pollution warning day seem like a breath of springtime!!!! The BO of massed bodies, rancid grease, rotting Pampers, halitosis, swamp ass, and monkey butt.....all mixed with the nauseating miasma of flavored blunts and weed.

"Baltimore--The City That REEKS!!!"

I have not had much of an appetite due to the heat, I have been drinking loads of Powerade Zero though to stay hydrated, last week at Jenn's I realized I was on the edge of heat exhaustion/dehydration because I was not drinking enough. It is not a fun feeling. Yesterday I did not eat until I hit the Starbucks and someone gave me two sandwiches, which I performed open heart surgery on, grafting the turkey, lettuce and cheese from one onto the ham and Swiss on panini bread of the other, (the operation was a success, even though the patient died....but that is the good thing about being a 'food doctor', you can eat and cover up your successes and failures....LOL), and a couple pastries and a bagel.

I grabbed an OJ from the Giant around 9:00 pm. and filled my water bottles at the gas station. Now I am hydrated, but since I am taking a diuretic mixed with my BP meds....I can't stop peeing.....lol!

Alright, that's it for now, plans are still in limbo for today, but I have to bathe somehow, somewhere......

Back later......................Dave

"Boiled In THe Shell.......Poached.......And ...........Scrambled!!......"

Good Afternoon;

Well I'm here at the Towson Library just past 1:30 pm., the first person of the second wave of computer users. There must have been people waiting in line for the library to open today. I know it is usually crowded on Sundays but this is like Friday afternoons at the Pikesville branch.

Anyway, I got to Jenn's around 11:10 am. yesterday morning and spent the day and part of the night there, a lot more time than I had expected. Jenn had thought she would be home around 4:00 or 5:00 pm., with some cash for me, and I was going to head over to the east side of the city, (yes, THAT east side, where all the shootings occur), to see Monkee or Barry and try to find some buprenorphine, since I was totally out, having taken the last quarter of a pill around Midnight (Thursday/Friday). I was going to cook the pork chops I had in the oven and shower, shave, and maybe do a load of laundry while I relaxed in the A/C. That idea went as all plans seem to go when my back is up against the wall and I am both 'putting all my eggs in one basket' AND 'counting my chickens before they hatch', namely...right down the dumper!....lol! I marinated the chops in Sazon Goya Con Culantro y Tomato, water, garlic, and the last few drops of the Newman's Own Sesame and Ginger marinade and put them in the 'fridge. I then sat down for a minute and turned on the TV and watched and dozed in the recliner for the next 3 and 1/2 hours, drifting in and out as the humidity, temperature and dewpoint rose from mildly uncomfortable to miserable. I got up and cooked the pork chops and made a sandwich and ate, and by then it was after 4:00 pm. so I just shaved and washed off and cleaned up a bit in the sink, thinking Jenn would be home any minute and I would then jump on the train downtown and shower when I returned. 5:00 pm.came and went, as did 6:00, 7:00, and 8:00....still no Jenn or Tom. I have no minutes left and Tom had the computer so I could not e-mail her phone. I was started to get concerned when she and the kids, and Tom walked in at the same time. Well I used her phone to call Monkee, who was still tearing the house apart searching for her prescription refill, (which she STILL had not found as of 11:00 am. today), and tried to call Barry, who was out at his brother's for a cookout until much later that night. Now I am pretty confident about traveling most neighborhoods and 'hoods' at night, and have had decades of experience 'copping' what I needed on the streets....but... I was not "ill", and although beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable as the drug left my system, the symptoms were not extreme and a good bit was likely psychological.....'withdrawal memory', I decided to wait until this morning to go looking for more 'bupe', (also partly in fear that I might decide to say "F*ck It!!" and get some dope and coke, part from frustration, and part because the disease of addiction is sly and can twist and squeeze at your willpower until you rationalize away common sense, reality, and sobriety!).

Needless to say, last night the shed was an oven. I really have to find another place to sleep.....soon! I don't remember the shed last summer being THIS miserable, although I guess I was getting in there a good bit later most nights, due to sitting outside at the tables at the St. Thomas shopping center Starbucks until the next to last bus.

While the little battery fan I have does help some to keep me, (or at least parts of me at a time...lol!), cool, it does nothing to air out the shed itself. There is about at least a 20 degree difference between laying down and standing up, and after a night of body heat, breathing and other gaseous emanations, what fiberglass insulation that is left does it's designated job of retaining heat.....of course it does, WHEN THE TEMPERATURE REACHES 90!!!!..........LOL!

Also, as you can imagine, I did not sleep well at all. Between the heat and humidity and the chemical changes going on in my body, (You have to remember, the buprenorphine is a 'dependent' drug that the body gets used to, and requires a period of time known as a "taper" to disengage itself from the tissues gradually. Even though I am doing relatively tiny quantities, the symptoms still manifest themselves.), sleep was elusive at best and absent at worst. I was up at 5:57 am. due to the heat and my back, and some strange and uncomfortable feelings and twinges I have not felt for avery long time, and have no wish or desire to experience again.

I killed time ( for the A/C) at the Giant and riding the train for 3 hours until I could check with Monkee....Nothing!, Damn!....and I was sure Barry would be up. He sometimes has a few 'bupes' and when I would stop and see him after visiting Monkee, he would offer them to me, of course I had already gotten what I could afford, or had no money and was not pressed for them, so I declined every time but one. This morning he did not have any. giving the last one away minutes before I arrived. He went down the street to a place where people gather, the community garden, and asked around but no one there had any. He left word that if anyone showed up with some to please stop by his house. I was getiing ready to leave and was showing my new picture of Rachel, who he had not seen for about a year or so, and was considering his offer of some Methadone, which will also quell the symptoms I was beginning to experience. I really did not want to do this, but my mind was exploiting me fears and most likely exaggerating them too. Right as I was about to take a spoonful, (which is probably one twentieth [1/20th] or less of a 120 milliogram daily dose), some called him from outside and he told me to hold on, he'd pour it when he came back in. Well by the grace of God and somebody wanting a quick $10.00, he walked back in and said 'give me your money', and came back with 2 tablets! I gave him my last $5.00 out of gratitude for taking the time to go to the extra effort of putting the word out and having them come by the house. We used to get high together and I've known him for about 20 years through good times and bad, using and clean. He knows how hard I have been working at this and all about the medical and pain issues I deal with that preclude the use of normal opiate/opiod painkillers, he has some of the same problems, from being shot, and from being visciously beaten (Wrongly!!! too), by the cops to the point of kidney damage..[but that is a story for another time]. In any case I am very grateful that I did not have to resort to doing something that could have led back to active addiction, and the behavior that follows. I could go that route and be living at a much more comfortable level physically and financially, but the mental and moral deterioration are not worth it, nor is the loss of love and respect from those who have believed in and supported me. And most important is the possibility of being separated from Rachel, and Jenn and her family. There is no denying the temptation, but to use the phrase another way....that is exactly what must be done!

So it is 4:15 pm. and I am on my third session her at the computer, I guess I'll close the library at 5:00 pm. and head back out into the record breaking heat & humidity and take the bus to the train to the Mt. Washington Starbucks for a couple hours. I know I'll be sitting around outside for many hours tonight because the shed is going to be only slightly cooler than the ante-room to Hell! If anybody wants to come visit so we can sit in their air conditioned car and talk, or to take pity on poor l'il ole me...sweltering in the muggy misery of another night of breathing air with the temperature and texture of molten lava........and invite me for a shower and or a night inside on a bed/couch/floor...come on over to the First Watch by the Pikesville Giant sometime after 10:00 pm....that's where I'll probably be. I've got a dollar in change I'm going to drop on the Keno, I may have Ice Cold Beer and Powerade to share....lol!

I'll be back early tomorrow, as soon as I can get in to the A/Ced library!

Later...........................Dave

"Red Hot, White Knuckled, And Blue........"

Good Morning;

The weather, heat and humidity, is on the way to hell again I see. By 8:30 am. the shed was a sweatbox. I got up went to the Giant for my morning ablutions and to make a couple calls from the Courtesy Phone. One to Jenn to see if it was still okay if I dropped by and showered while She and the kids went out to Getttysburg with her mom and Tom was at his DJ gig this afternoon, and to ask if I could borrow a few dollars; and one to Monkee to see if she had located any buprenorphine. Jenn said yes and she was not yet sure, Monkee said no. We are both out of meds and having to look to the street now for 'bupe'.

Along with the miserable conditions of the steambath that is Baltimore, I now have the added stressor of searching for my meds. I took the last 1/4 pill last night around Midnight and I will not feel any true physical symptoms of discomfort until around Sunday morning, but the psychological meshugas has already begun. The not knowing, the not having a phone to hunt for them and having to hit the street in a really bad neighborhood, and the fear of relapse all combine to put me in near panic mode. Add to that the fact that I have only $2.00 in my possession and I am going to have to pay street prices and the fee for a runner, and have no idea if or where I am going to come up with any cash,.......and I'm a friggin' mess. (A note of irony here, the doctor I am scheduled to see on the 13th of July, who happens to be right in the neighborhood, is one who is authorized to prescribe 'bupe', but who told me he did not want to deal with the state PAC healthcare plan when I went to him to inquire about 3 years ago....).

This next week should be a real fun time, scrounging for meds, food, and money. (oh and another ironic thing...the meds I DO have a prescription for and a healthplan to pay for will run out with no refills BEFORE I jhave my next scheduled appointment with the doctor at JAI who prescribed them, at the same time she wrote the script....greatttttt!

The only bright light shining through this cloud of doom and despair that is descending upon me is that the up coming 4th of July is the only holiday that occurs in the beginning of the month, right after I get my little monthly stipend. Not that I have any plans, or that I will have much money left after meds...phone...and repaying of any loans I can get.....lol.

Okay I am out of here for Jenn's now,

later............................Dave

(Jenn just e-mailed me, she will have some cash this evening when she gets home, well half the battle is won, now the other half...the search remains. At least my stress level has been reduced by about 40%!)

"Back To The Wilderness............................."

Good Morning;

Well I slept deeply and restfully last night, (in the 'new' LazyBoy at Jenn's), for the first time in a while. I slept in it the night before also but with the ridiculous humidity and leather upholstery, even though I slept quite a while, I awoke soaking wet and sticking to the chair......it must be hell being a cow in this weather, wearing a leather and suede outfit you cannot take off....LOL!

I am about to shower and head out soon, (which could end up being hours from now....it's not like I have anywhere to be today, anything to do, or any money to do it with!), probably to the library until it closes at 5:30 pm., and unless I get an invite anywhere else, then to the coffee shop in Mt. Washington.

Tomorrow I'll be up and out of the shed when the heat forces me to leave, and then most likely back to the same 'low budget/no budget' routine, library-Starbucks-First Watch-shed, and again Sunday substituting a stop at Jenn's to pick up some clothes that are currently in the wash for the library, (unless I am inspired or get a bug up my ass about something and go to the Towson library when they open at 1:00 pm.).

If I can find some money, (over and above that which I HAVE!!! to find to get some more 'bupes' by tomorrow....damn...damn....damn...), I am going to make arrangements to see Rachel as soon as I can. I really miss not being able to wake up with her and just hang out. I am going to see when Jenn is going to be away again and when we can spend a day or so over there together. After the 2nd when I get my little bit of cash we are going to the movies and lunch.

Okay, I've got to get off the lap top now, I may be back later from the library, when I check my e-mail, ( the only way to keep in contact with people since I have no minutes on either phone).

Later................................Dave

"Help Me.....I'm Melting..............................."

Good Evening;

Even with the A/C running full blast it cannot handle 100+ degree heat and humidity. The kids are insane and Jenn and I are exhausted. Tom has been working all day in an A/C home thank goodness, doing a re-wire, not out on a construction site. They just left for Pier Six and the concert, I would have given the tickets away, there is no group I want to see that bad anymore......yeah, I'm old...lol.

I stepped outside at noon and turned right around and came back inside Jenn's, called Prologue and cancelled my appt. The dumb receptionist was not competent to properly relay the info. to Shelly and I got a worried e-mail asking if I was okay., no way I was standing and waiting in the sun on a bus stop!

I am back out on the street tomorrow in the "cooler"...HA!...90 degree temps with lower humidity...yeah right.............!

Out of minutes, out of money, out of meds....yeah it's funtime again.

Devin's screaming, and Edward's acting like a doofus...again, gotta run,

Later.........................................Dave

"If You Can't Stand The Heat....Head Into The Kitchen!..........................................."

Good Evening;

Damn I am sure glad that Jenn and I have reconnected this year! Although I am unable to truly 'live' here at there place, the hospitality offered me in light of the totally insane weather we have had this year; (the back to back to back blizzards and snow storms, and the effin' ridiculous heat and humidity all spring and so far this summer), has been a life and sanity saver...well the sanity is offset by the grandmonsters, but at least I'm not losing too much ground...LOL!!

I have tried my best to be helpful and earn my keep, by babysitting and by feeding the kids to give Jenn a break as much as I can. I have also been both helping and benefitting by having a kitchen available to me for the first time in 3 years or more. "Kitchen therapy" is a relaxation technique that I embrace and enjoy, and having folks who like and appreciate my creativity and creations, on many different levels is gratifying. Of course Jenn is more likely to ask what such and such subtle herb or seasoning, or technique was used...while Tom is more direct and visceral in his compliments......"Hmmm, is that ginger, garlic and cilantro...?".....as opposed to "Good....me want more!!"................LMAO!!!!!

Yesterday I oven braised Halibut steaks in a marinade of lemon juice, vinegar, garlic, ginger, paprika, sesame oil, salt, pepper and a touch of onion; then reduced the pan juices to a moderately thick sauce. Very nice, even cold the citrus ginger tang was evident, but balanced by the sweetness of the rest of the ingredients. And it works well over steamed asparagus too. But don't ask me for amounts..I 'cook by ear'!!!

Last night, late, Jenn was going to the Giant and mentioned she craved cheesecake but could not see paying their prices for it, so I told her to get me some pre-made graham cracker pie crusts...(I know, I know but she had no spring-form pan)...and three pounds of cream cheese and I created 2 cheese cakes, (starting to cook at 11:00 pm. at night and finishing up around quarter after 1:00 pm....LOL), with 4 different flavors. One was 1/2 'turtle' with a layer of honey toasted pecans, quartered Kraft caramels and semi-sweet chocolate chips embedded and then also as a topping; the other 1/2 was studded with Mini-Oreos, the other cheesecake was 1/2 good old fashioned plain jane and 1/2 pureed frozen blueberry, raspberry, blackberry, and strawberry mixture layered between the filling, and then each slice was topped with the refrigerated berry puree upon serving, (which was also delicious on the other three 1/2s also!), I had some canned mango slices which I topped the berry cheesecake with too, talk about ambrosial!....lol!

Of course the other chores I do are not as glamorous, nor as tasty, such as emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the pots and pans and loading the dishwasher, feeding the animals, (the four legged ones), sweeping up the stupid dog's hair and skin flakes that she spreads all over the place from scratching, (the dog is part Wheaten Terrier, and they are susceptible to itching and skin problems, which also stink!...and she is dumb as a box of rocks besides), and I also did laundry for Jenn today, (after waiting all last nigh and most of today for the ghetto attitude neighbors to take their clothes out of the washer.....which they never did so I had to remove their already beginning to mold and mildew from the heat crap because they were left in a public washing machine shared by 11 apartments for at least 40 hours, so I ended up covered in the funk too!), and the "Mother Of All NASTY Chores"............emptying and refilling the cat's litter box, then carrying 50 pounds of litter and poop and ammonia to the dumpster in 97 degree record setting heat! Another shower today...................DAMN SKIPPY, and maybe a third one on general principles.

Tom is working late and Jenn is at a meeting as I write this, (8:31 pm.), so I am pretty damn sure I am spending the night again, and most of tomorrow until I leave to head to my meeting at Prologue with my new caseworker Shelly at 1:00 pm. I am heading back here to Jenn's, (I'm on their laptop now), afterwards because we had a previous arrangement for me to watch the kids on Thursday night while they go to a concert at Pier Six at the Harbor, (YES and Peter Frampton, which I find hilarious and ironic because these are Big Name groups from MY youth and concert going days, I saw YES a dozen times between 1969 and 1975 with the original line up, and owned all the early albums, and had my bedroom in Ocean City one year I lived 'downy oshun' painted professionally with the YESSONGS mural.....LOL). Tomorrow is supposed to be 98-99 degrees with heat indices near 105 degrees, and maximum humidity with possible serious and dangerous thunderstorms in the late afternoon and early evening..(just when Jenn and Tom will be at or taking the train to and from an outdoor concert.......yeah, that's a real nice thing to look forward to!).

Anyway, Devin just climbed up in her highchair and looked over at me and said, "eeaattt, eeaattt..." and put her hands together in the ASL sign for 'more'......

Later.....................................................Dave

"Waiting For A Cold Front..........Or For HELL To Freeze Over!......."

Good Morning;

I'm on my way to Jenn's to watch the kids and get out of the damn, stupid heat and humidity...yesterday was the first day of summer and we have had mid-July range heat for a week with another 7 days MINIMUM!!! forecast!

Sh*t...Sh*t...Sh*t...

If I was near an ocean I could deal with this this, but 'heat on the street' in Baltimore sucks!

Back later..........Dave

"They Shoot Horses...Don't They.....................?"

Good Afternoon;

Okay, 6 hours at the library and I'm going blind from staring at the computer, and given up on trying to read with all the talking and screaming and distractions and commotion going on around me, what ever happened to the idea of courtesy and quiet in a library, not to mention simple manners and common decency. Crudity, ignorance and ghetto manners abound here in Pikesville, seriously...I have found better behavior in some of the street people I have come into contact with compared with some of the idiots here today. There is a thing in Baltimore City called 'hollerin', it is how people communicate with inmates at the City Jail from the streets outside, and how they scream from second story windows to others 3/4 of the way down the block. Today it how these morons are yelling at one another from one computer to the next 10 feet away at the top of their lungs with no respect for anyone else. And then they have the nerve to cry discrimination when the library staff finally does ask them to quiet down. And.....DON"T GET ME STARTED ABOUT CELL PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, if a dog acted the way some of the people in this city do, it would be sent to the pound and euthanized....makes you think.....

I have to leave and get something to eat anyway, today's diet so far of instant coffee and Tums is not very nutritional, filling, nor satisfying. So...out into the heat I venture. As much as I hate the cold, at least I don't start to sweat and feel so damn dirty as soon as I walk out of doors.

Unrelated to any of that, I had a visitor from South Africa to the site, who spent about 20 minutes reading and viewing. The SiteMeter identifies countries by posting little icons of their flags, which can be enlarged for better viewing.....The Republic Of South Africa new/recent flag is really cool and very colorful!

Later...........Dave

" Heat Stroke...................."

Good Morning;

So it was back in the shed last night after spending Saturday afternoon and evening at Jenn's and cajoling my self a night on the new (to them) reclines that night. It was still in the 80's at 11:00 pm. and the dewpoint and humidity were near the top of the scale so Jenn was understanding and Tom was happy to have someone there to help him unload the DJ equipment when he got home from the gig he was working...(and doing all the pots and pans, emptying and loading the dishwasher and cleaning the...[UGHHH!! how can 2 cats crap so damn much and so damn huge]...litter box earned some brownie points toward it too....lol!).

I also got to spend an hour and a half watching Devin that evening while Jenn and Edward went to ALDI, which was a nice treat.

In the last post I was commenting, (...syn: complaining, bitching and moaning.....lol), about not getting invitations without a first contact from my side, well, Jenn and Tom and the kids were going to his mother's house for Father's Day for a cookout and Jenn decided to invite me and Rachel along as a Father's Day present. Well.....at first I was pleased and interested in going up to his mom's house, but the more I considered it the less appealing it became. As I also mentioned in the last post, I had had more than enough problems dealing with MY spouses' (plural!) immediate and extended families, and I am really in no shape right now to deal with my daughter's spouse's family. Especially in a situation where I would be way out in the wilds of northern Baltimore County with no means of escape if , no...when the inevitable anxiety/panic attack came. I declined and told her thanks but no thanks, and that what I had really been planning was to ask her if Rachel and I could spend the day at the apartment while they were out.

Which is what we did. Rachel was dropped off by her mother about 2:00 pm., (after they had left so Ed and Devin did not get sidetracked from getting ready and leaving to play with Rachel), and we had a lovely afternoon and early evening. We played Candyland..I lost 2 out of 3 games..lol..., and watched TV, and cooked dinner, and had dessert. Jenn had found some very nicely priced Filets wrapped in bacon on sale at ALDI and while we cooked them off in the oven we finished off the rest of the shrimp that I had saved in the freezer. For dessert Jenn had made a mousse/parfait like concoction with fresh and very ripe blueberries and strawberries and raspberries, (this year seems to be a banner year for berries, in price and flavor and quantity!), which we spooned into sponge cake shells and topped with a dollop of this sweet and creamy cream cheese based dipping sauce for fruit...very decadent! I have a wonderful 6 year old with a varied and discriminating palate. She is willing to try any food and likes a whole lot of things most 6 year olds have never even heard of much less tasted, and, like her father, mother, and older sister, is learning and developing kitchen skills early, and enjoys creating new, unique, and sometimes odd flavor combinations. And she also already has the manners and decorum needed to be taken to AND appreciate a good restaurant. The hell with Taco Bell, she wants Tio Pepe!..........LOL! She is not going to be a cheap date later on....LOL!

She brought me a photograph of herself in a clear plastic frame/cover with a magnet on the back to stick onto a refrigerator or whatever metal is around me. I had mentioned recently that I no new photos of her and she got her mother or grandmother to print this one up for me. She hid it in her shirt, (the same one she wore in the picture, a black tee with a sequin Hello Kitty face on it...lol; both daughter's, 22 years apart are Hello Kitty fans, and Devin, my granddaughter, has one too, though she is somewhat ambivalent about her....lol), when I came outside to get her from the car. When I picked her up to give her a hug, (nearly breaking my already broken back in the process, she is getting big!), I could feel it through our shirts, and the grin on her face gave her away when I asked if she had something in her shirt...she gets way too excited to keep a secret...lol! We really had a great low key, no pressure, cool and comfortable Father's Day, and I am extremely grateful to and for her and Jenn and the 'ex' for making it possible.............Thanks!!!!

I ended up leaving Jenn's about 9:00 pm. last night, (Rachel left about 7:30 pm.), just after they got home, and caught the bus up to Pikesville where I sat in front of First Watch and read for a few hours and drank the can of beer I had picked up Thursday and forgotten about in the back of Jenn's 'fridge, (I don't drink there out of courtesy and respect), and then stopped at the gas station when I started falling asleep and nodding out in the middle of sentences. I went in the shed about Midnight and tried to air it out and cool it down some by fanning the door. I think it is mostly psychological....lol. I was first awakened by the heat about 8:00 am. and as I lay there struggling with the ascent of the cliffs of consciousness out of the depths of sleep into the murky haze of pre-coffee awareness, then psyching myself up for the daily surge of dizziness, pain and adrenaline that I experience when I make the attempt to transition from the horizontal to the somewhat vertical position I was serenaded by a chorus of jackhammers less than 20 feet from my head. Not exactly what I wanted or needed first thing in the morning, but one hell of a lot more effective than the alarm on my cell phone!!! I went into the Giant and used one of my Starbucks 'VIA' instant coffee packages, (I gotta admit, they got it right, when properly mixed and sweetened you cannot tell it is instant!). I was going to buy some food for a sandwich, or some breakfast of some sort but it so hot out that it is way too hot to eat outside, even in the shade, and I am worried about spoilage. I decided to see what and where I'll be doing and going today before I shop, and to tell the truth the heat, even the short walk from the shed to the Giant to the library tends to affect the appetite. And walking and waiting for a bus after eating in this heat is no fun either. If I go to the Starbucks in Mt. Washington I may hit the Whole Foods, I don't really want to because the FoodStamps are very low and they are an expensive place, but....who knows? I am down to my last $8.00 and eating out is not an option. I am also out of minutes on both phones for the foreseeable future, most likely until the 2nd of next month unless I get a windfall or get one of those overpowering hunches that occasionally occur, telling me to spend a buck on the Keno numbers I play, (Yeah I know...... and I usually DON'T play if I am this short, but every once in a while the feeling comes over me so strong to do so, and when I have in the past, it has been about 95% correct and a quick $25.00, so I go with the flow when it hits the flood stage...lol!), or someone buys me a phone card as an unnecessary but appreciated thank you gift. I have meds through the end of the month, when I have a doctor's appt. to get them refilled. I have 'bupes' to last me until Friday and I'll have to come up with some cash some how in the next few days to deal with that because Monkee will be out until after the 1st and I'll have to hustle up some from one of my alternative 'street level' sources, which means cash in hand and nothing 'on the arm', (that means on credit in the vernacular).

With this nasty, hot and humid weather that is forecast for at least the next 5 days I am open to any invitations or suggestions to spend some times and sleep somewhere indoors in the A/C, and I am not averse to sitting in a restaurant for a while and eating and talking if I can find a way to swing that. I was thinking last night of how I could find a place other than the library to spend as much of the daylight hours in as I could, someplace that won't wake me, roust me, hassle me, or throw me out to snooze in and then sit up all night outside when the temps. are a bit more reasonable and just read and/or watch the DVD player all night, (I have found a place to charge it while I sit at a picnic table and read that is fairly secluded and safe...but only if there is no precipitation). I am most likely spending this Thursday night at Jenn's again, as an enforcer for the inmates..aka, the grandmonsters...as she and Tom both have plans that night. That leaves me free before and after though....hint...hint....hint.....lol!

Okay, that's about it for now, back to Louis L'Amour for while, Later...........................Dave

"Since my phone still ain't ringing............. I assume it still ain't you"..................."

Good Afternoon;

It's nice outside right now, under the trees in the shade. Hot with a good breeze and the humidity is just starting to climb. It is supposed to be hell by tonight though. I am on my way over to Jenn's to hang out and shower while they all go to the annual Family Picnic.

(Her mother's, [my first ex-wife] side, so I am not an invitee......Of course even when we were married way back when, almost 3 decades ago, I still tried to avoid going. Coming from a family that did not have a relationship with a close and large extended family, I never knew how to handle it, and always felt out of place.....[and the same thing happened with Rachel's mother's family also]...)

Anyway, I spent Thursday night there watching the kids, and stayed on Friday until about 6:00 pm., because Jenn was not feeling well, so I let her sleep and rest as much as possible. I had to go see Monkee after she got home at 8:30 pm. that night so I rode the subway down to Johns Hopkins and back out to Owings Mills 4 or 5 times and read a book just to kill time. We talked for an hour and then I again killed time on the train until midnight when I got off at Old Court Station and caught the bus to the gas station and then went into the shed. It was 3:00 am before I finally got to sleep and then I had a bizarre dream that someone was trying to break through the walls of the shed. I woke myself up because I was making zombie-like moans and groans trying to scare whoever it was away.......weird does not BEGIN to describe the rest of my night and dreams!!!!!

I guess I'll see you all when the library opens Monday, (unless I go to Towson to escape the forecast extreme heat and humidity tomorrow, [Sunday]...) I am going to stop by to see Rachel at her mother's house for a while...I have been told that I will have a homemade, handmade Father's Day gift waiting for me...and I have to see the new paint in Rachel's room, she picked the colors herself she told me....lol. They are back in the house, the clean up people have been there and there is a new roof, and only the finishing work is being done by the contractor now.

One of the lousy things about being on the street is the limited number of places to go when the weather gets unbearable, if you have little or no money. The shelters, the City run 'warming' or 'cooling' centers are not only depressing in their own right, but are filled with people who are hot, (or cold depending on the season), angry, loud, crude, ignorant, and on the edge of violence in a culture and city where violent actions are the norm, whether directed inwards towards family, or outward at both specific and random targets.

One of the things that bothers me, (on a personal level as opposed to the many 'public' irritations.....lol), is that although there are people I can and at times do call and visit to be able to shower and escape the weather for a while, and just catch up and talk, and who are happy and welcoming. A few old friends and some newer friends and acquaintances..... except for Jenn, none of them ever 'initiate the conversation'. I frequently get an invitation when I call, without asking, and at other times I do ask and usually get a positive response. But sometimes it is nice to be on the receiving end of a phone call or an invitation. The isolation and soul sucking loneliness that I deal with unrelated to homelessness is only exacerbated, exaggerated, and aggravated by this. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming or accusing anyone of anything, and I get quite a few e-mails from folks new and old, and their are a couple people who call occasionally to say hello, but in general, I have to make the first move. The problem is that this whole cycle becomes a perpetual motion device that both feeds on and fuels my depression and anxiety, sometimes to the point that when someone DOES call, I am either too miserable to answer or not fit company to be with. Sometimes I just can't win.........LOL!

Hmmmm, that must have been bubbling and burbling around in my sub-conscious for a while.....add this to the freakshow dreams and the insomnia....yeah, maybe we better NOT go there just now......At least not without protective clothing and a Taser......LOL!!!!

Later.............Dave

P.S. There is a new link on the "Links And Thinks" in the column to your left;

"Homeless In Charm City"

A blog by students at the University Of Maryland At Baltimore, they have me on their 'links'.....so.... 'right back atcha'.....D.

"The Big Issue:..... Helping Homeless People To Help Themselves....A Magazine, A Social Business And A Charity......."

Good Afternoon;

Here is a link to The Big Issue, a street newsmagazine originated and in Great Britian, and distributed there by the homeless, (and also in 8 other countries: Australia, Japan, Kenya, Malawi, Namibia, South Africa, The Republic of Ireland, Taiwan, and Korea), where the vendors pay half the sale price and keep the difference.

Big Issue - Home

It is the magazine I mentioned whose founder produced/created the reality TV show, "Famous, Rich, and Homeless"

There are and have been similar publications in the US, in New York, Santa Monica, and elsewhere.

More later..........Dave

"Caveat Emptor"

Good Afternoon;

Here is a link to a site that is run by a man after my own heart!

http://dontevenreply.com/

Later.....Dave

"Insane In The Membrane.....Insane In the Brain.........Or.............Call Me Candy Bar, I'm Half Nuts!............."

Good Morning;

It's a fine day out right now, very warm with low humidity. What a change from last night when the street lights all were surrounded by pearly globes of mist from the moisture in the air, and one did not breathe the air as much as chew it up and swallow it. I wish it would stay like this but the forecast for today through next Wednesday seems to be hovering around a 91 degree average within an 88-97 degree range. Great!, and of course I am going to be sleeping inside at Jenn's on the night & day of the coolest temperatures..... "Home Sweet Sauna"

I was up at 7:25 am. this morning, only because the alarm on my phone went off, to get up and out to meet Liz for a ride to the head doctor and my interview. If I had not set the alarm, or even if I had hit the snooze button...you would not be reading this now. I was deep in the middle of REM sleep, after staying up until after 3:00 am. when I finally fell asleep.

The psychiatrist turned out to be the same one I saw when I got this far along in the process when I file for S.S.I. 3 or 4 years ago (my memory is getting fuzzier and fuzzier about dates and time-lines each and every day). He did not remember me and it must not have been in his records, since he is not part of the decision making process and has no contact of information once he turns in his observations and evaluation. Of course he probably sees at least a dozen patients a day referred to him by S.S.A. and they have to run together in one amorphous mass. The questions were pretty much a standard depression and anxiety checklist with some memory and concentration quizzes thrown in, and a soupcon of schizoid and paranoia traps. The doc seemed to be able to do this in his sleep, the routine embedded into his mind and muscle memory as he asked and entered the results into his laptop. I did get the feeling I was being subconsciously 'led' slightly into the proper frame of reference for a positive evaluation, at least I hope so.
We talked about some of the physical issues I deal with and their affect on my mind and mood, and the combined affect on day to day activities. The phrasing of some of his questions leads me to believe that this interview may, for a change, actually be biased IN my favor. Instead of saying ,"..'DO' you have trouble with, so and so"...he would state,"..'AND' you have trouble...", with an inflection of query, and seemed to be making entries to that effect even before I began to answer. as I said earlier, 'I hope!'. Anyway, I guess we'll see in a few..??..weeks.. months..??, when the board reviews and decides, I assume when they get the physical exam results also.

I am heading to Jenn's some time between now and 5:30 pm. this afternoon, depending on the heat, whether I get fed up here at the library....

Watch out here comes another tangential digression!!

Speaking of getting fed up, I think anyone coming to this country to live should have to go through a mandatory course entitled:

"Meet Mr. Deodorant;"

"The Wonderful World Of Personal Hygiene"

Also, some one show me where in the Torah the almighty declares: "Thou Shalt NOT Shower!" ?

And of course it would be required reading for all:

"Mr. Toothbrush and Mrs. Toothpaste Meet Our Old Friend Listerine"

It is hell having to type with one hand while the other covers my nose!

And Now; Back To Your Blog, Which Is Already In Progress!

...or if I want to deal with the kids before this evening, and how hot it feels outside and whether the wind is blowing too hard to eat 'al fresco'. I'd like to look some things up on the Internet, but mt eyes feel as if they were filled with burning sand scraped off the beaches of the Florida Gulf Coast, and I keep nodding out on the keyboard and have to delete line after line of gibberish, (yeah, yeah, yeah, I haer you,......how can I tell the difference from the normal content....hah, hah, very funny!), thank the blessed Saint Gates for spell check....lol.

I'll see you later, maybe tonight, maybe Friday. I am trying to find some cash, (and I'm going to need to see Monkee about meds by saturday also), to take Rachel somewhere this weekend, INSIDE!!, maybe a movie matinee and then some ice cream. Possibly I'll see what Jenn has planned and if she wants to go to her pool in the apartment complex.

Later..........................Dave

"So That's Why They Call It A...................'Love Seat'................"

Good Afternoon;

Well it has cooled off a bit but the humidity is at a point where you can grasp a handful of air and squeeze a cup of water out of it. I took a shower at Jenn's before I left this afternoon and even with the A/C going full blast it took an hour to feel totally dry.

As I have mentioned before, when I stay at Jenn's I usually end up cooking for all of us, (or nuking stuff for the rugrats...lol), well I oven broiled some rib eye steaks she had bought, (still on sale at Giant through Thursday @ $4.99 lb., better than half off!!, grab them while you can), with my semi-scratch version of Season-All and got rave reviews from Tom who said they were the best yet.

This morning I got the chance to kick back while Jenn went all out with breakfast. Challah french toast with blackberries, strawberry jam and syrup and butter, 2 kinds of sausage, and scrambled egg whites, (not that anyone was watching cholesterol, other than seeing our arteries harden....lol, it was left over from the french toast mixture). Delicious!!

The last time I had someone cook for me was at the Passover seder at Lisa's parents house 3 months ago. It was a pleasure to be able to just sit and eat, (though I did empty and load the dishwasher and scrub all the pots and pans for her. She hates to do the dishes and I really don't mind. It is even relaxing to a certain extent.

I did not sleep very good last night, even to the point of spending part of the night on my stomach, which I never do, (in fact Jenn says to me that she hoped I, "at least bought the couch dinner," from the position I was in when she went past to put Devin back in her crib.......LOL!!) One of the reasons I slept badly was Edward crapping in the pajamas and all the resulting hoopla, and just when things had settled down and gotten silent, Devin decides to wake up crying for some unknown reason. Then at some time around 7:00 am. I vaguely remember hearing Jenn putting Devin back in her crib and the DVD of "Pooh's Heffalump Movie" playing in the background, and then coming awake to the same 10 or 12 bars of the movie's theme song being repeated over and over and over when the movie was ended and sitting on the 'menu page'. At some point I got up, restarted the movie, peed..(in the bathroom!!), fed the cats, heated a cup of coffee, let the dog out, fed her and locked her back in her crate, took my three morning meds, then sat on the couch and wedged myself in at an angle that relieved the back pain and dozed off again, all on 'auto-pilot' or 'zombie-drive', as I have no conscious memory of these actions, only anecdotal evidence and hearsay....lol!

I left Jenn's and caught the 2:06 pm bus..and ....here I am!

Tomorrow, (Thursday), I have a 9:00 am. appointment to see the contract shrink for the State of Maryland who does the mental health evaluation phase for the S.S.I. application. The anxiety is building and intensifying, but I am at or near the high point of my depression cycle, (of course, why make it easy!!), so I do not know what to expect of this visit. Why could it not be 2 weeks ago when I was going full goose gonzo and wanted nothing more than to swallow a "Smith and Wesson Souffle"?

Liz is picking me up on the corner near the shed, where I'll be sleeping...maybe... tonight. I do not know whether he will consult with her or not, I hope so because she got the full benefit of one of the paranoid/schizo/panic attacks that plague me. Well I'll see what's what tomorrow I guess.

Next after this is the physical exam in mid July. I have an appointment around the 4th of July to see my doctor at Jai, (if I have not switched yet), and get my refills on prescriptions. I know most of the details and results of the medical issues I deal with, it's the mental ones that frustrate me. I guess it's all part of the 'Catch 22'....'You can't be going nuts if you think you are going nuts'.

Okay I'm out of here for now I think, I may be back tomorrow after the psychiatrist, depending on the weather. I am again monstersitting the grand kids tomorrow evening so I may head over to Jenn's right after the meeting since she is just on the otherside of Reisterstown Road Plaza from the doctor's office, so I may not be back until Friday. (I'm not real comfortable using their Laptop for much else than checking my e-mail).

Later...........Dave

"Reality Shows Are Just A Crutch For People Who Can't Handle REALITY!!!!"

Good Afternoon;

So I stayed at my daughter Jenn's house last night while she and her husband Tom went to a friend's anniversary meeting. Between the lumpy couch and the cold,dry, and dusty A/C I awoke with symptoms similar to a hangover, without the benefit of the buzz or the blackout...lol.

I watched a show on the 'Green' network, Comcast, (Balto. City), channel 113 titled "Famous, Rich, and Homeless". It is a British production filmed in London, England, a "reality show", (note the quotes!!!!), that places minor or has been celebrities on the streets of London to live as homeless people, or as they call them, 'rough sleepers'. Of course their are camera crews with lights following them around and filming their every move. For the first few days they are on their own, and then are buddied up with real homeless folks. The show is produced by the man who publishes the "Big Issue" newspaper/magazine..(?), and who himself is a recovering alcoholic and formerly homeless.

I have only seen the one episode, so I will not pass a final judgement yet, but there is a certain 'UNreality' about some of the segments, mostly in the actions and attitudes of the celebrities, some of whom immediately tried to 'save' their buddies, and who had no concept of the actuality of living on the street. One celeb, the Indian(?) gentleman threw a hissy fit when some late night party goers woke him and his buddy Drax up to give them some cigarettes. He kept going on and on about their rudeness ion waking him up, whereas the REAL homeless guy was not only grateful that they gave him some smokes , but that they even stopped to see if he was alive and breathing.

The other male celeb, a soap opera 'star', tried to 'cure and reform' a 20+ year heroin addict in less than 2 days and got all offended and upset when he, (the user), did not immediately drop to his knees in gratitude and change his 'evil ways'....lol!

The show looks as it has potential as entertainment and as a way to open the eyes of the people who do not and can not 'see' the homeless right in front of them...(in England anyway, the worst they have shown so far is still paradise to what you can see in Baltimore on any given day!)...but as 'reality'......ahhhhh, maybe not!

The producer/sponsor, (I'm sorry I cannot remember his name), met with the 'contestants?' after a week and their were harsh words back and forth because some of the celebs did not 'get it', that they were supposed to be living the life and experiencing it at street level, NOT acting as social workers.

It looks to be as interesting as any other 'reality series', and I hope it can remain true to the ideals of the man who is backing it, (the 'Big Issue' publisher).

I gotta run now, I just stopped in to escape the kids awhile, (and grab a beer...lol), I am helping Tom with some things when he returns from a DJ gig soon, so it's off to the bus and back to Jenn's

Back Tomorrow................................Dave

"Where The Hell Have You Been Storing Those Bananas?....................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I got my SiteMeter reinstalled, that is about the limit of my HTML programming knowledge and experience.

I spent Friday evening and night at Jenn's and ended up staying all day Saturday too. It was so nasty hot and humid out she let me stay Saturday night also. Except for running to the Giant for a bit with her on Sunday afternoon, I did not leave the apartment for two and a half days, other than letting the dog out to pee.

On Saturday morning I ended up cooking the

'Crab Latke with Sauteed Scallops and Shrimp in a 4 cheese and Garlic Sauce'

DAMN I'm Good!!!

I left on Sunday evening about 6:00 pm. after receiving a text from Jenn that they were on the way home, the A/C was broken, and Edward had fallen in the pond, was covered with slime and smelled like tadpole poop, (after ignoring multiple warnings to stay away, nothing new there.....LOL!!).

So to avoid being a statistic in the morning body count in the Sunpapers, I quickly packed up and headed off into the sunset. I stopped at Mt. Washington at the coffee shop and after they closed sat outside in the back falling asleep and waking up and falling asleep and waking up...etc., missing bus after bus until I finally caught the 11:00 pm. bus to the Plaza and the 11:30 pm. bus back to Pikesville. The shed was so hot I hung out in the gas station until the Keno cut off around 1:45 am., playing the same dollar over and over..win $2.00, lose $1.00, win $1.00, lose $1.00, win $2.00.....eventually leaving with my initial dollar in my pocket.

I slept poorly again, (that is the pattern again, 3 bad nights and one night eventually succumbing to exhaustion), getting up due to the heat about 11:00 am. and going to the Giant to wash up and shave. (I ended up showering 4 times at Jenn's both because I could and due to the humidity). I saw Liz and a co-worker while I was at the salad bar getting brunch, and remembered I have an appointment with the one of the State's contract psychiatrists Thursday morning....well I WAS in fairly good and stress free place today for a change. One of the things that is really miserable about living on the street is having no real place to go at night when it is too hot to sleep. I have been pretty lucky this year with spending time at Jenn's, but if this Spring, (Yes it is still only Spring until next week!!), is any preview of the Summer, it is going to be Hell. It also seems more of an irritant or an imposition when I am not as depressed as I sometimes get. Then it seems as just one more misery heaped upon the pile. When I feel more 'normal'...(HA!)...perhaps I am able to notice it more and react differently, appreciate the differences?

I went to RiteAid and picked up the Anti-Fungal/Steroidal creme for the Jungle Rot/Creeping Crud that is again starting it's Summer crawl up my leg....lol. While I was in there I saw a display of powders and cremes and ointments for preventing and treating heat and sun related discomfort. The one that particularly caught my eye was the container of:

"Anti Monkey Butt Powder"

I guess it is for something similar to 'swamp-ass'?.........LOL, really, this is an actual product, would I lie about something like this? I wonder if there is any connection with the cans of 'Spotted Dick', (which has a warning on the label to 'cover can with a towel when opening due to possibility of spurting'), they sell with the British foods at the Giant in the foreign foods aisle?.........ROTFLMAO! (What can I say, You know I have a twisted sense of humor...lol)

I just got an e-mail from Jenn reminding me I am supposed to watch kids tonight. I think she has a meeting in the morning too, so I guess I get another night inside with A/C by default......lol! (At least I hope so.....I forgot about their meeting tonight, I was planning on coming over after the monster's were asleep....lol!)

I guess that is it for today, I guess I'll be back tomorrow afternoon or evening.

Later.........................Dave

And don't forget today is 'Flag Day', commemorating the bombardment of Fort McHenry, and Francis Scott Key's penning of our National Anthem, (set to the tune of an old drinking song.....nice going Frank!..LOL), and the repelling of the British fleet. Thereby securing our right to freedom of the seas, and never having to eat dishes such as 'Spotted Dick', 'Toad In The Hole', or 'Bangers And Mash', or drink warm beer!

"Eat Me---Drink Me........ OR ............Down The Rabbit Hole Again........"

Good Afternoon;

So...Any thoughts on the new look?

Blogger just added a "New and Improved" design button on the Dashboard, and I'm a sucker for things that say.."Try Me"....(of course the warnings, "Wet Paint", and "Don't Touch" also have an irresistible appeal........LOL).

Nothing of any importance to mention since yesterday, went to Starbucks, sat out and read until 1:00 am., I did sleep for over 8 hours though, in two 4 hour segments, and then dozed and stayed in the shed until Noon, puttered around the Giant and now I'm waiting for Jenn to pick me up on the way back to the apartment, where I am cooking lunch for her before she heads out this evening.

I should be back tomorrow afternoon at some point,

Later.......................Dave

"The Queen Is Dead............God Save The Queen".....................AKA.................."Send Out To The Bullpen For A Relief Pitcher"

Good Afternoon;

I just got back from Prologue, meeting with Liz and my new caseworker Shelly. Liz is moving to a different position within the company, one that is not in the Homeless Outreach division. This is typical of my luck, whenever I bond with a caretaker and feel comfortable to let down the fences, they leave. (This is one reason why one of the mottoes that guide my life is "EVERYBODY Leaves", and why my friendships and relationships tend to form quickly, or not at all, and flare bright and intense, then either die out just as quick, or 'crash and burn'. (But that is a story for another day).

Luckily Liz remembered my initial gut reaction to her former partner and hand picked Shelly as my replacement caseworker. Based on the 2 and 1/2 hours we were all together today, I have good vibes about our coming relationship as it develops. She has the same aura of compassion and professionalism, and get it done...(and rules can be bent or interpreted flexibly if needed)...attitude that I get from Liz. The fact that I am not wallowing in the troughs of depression helps too....lol.

I received 3 letters from S.S.A. regarding my claim. One tells me that if I get mail from the West Virginia branch, to treat them as from Maryland. They are assisting in the case (over)load. The other 2 were to schedule appointments with an MD fro an examination on July 13th, and the other is to schedule an appt. with a Psychiatrist on Thursday the 17th of June, (next week). This is a very quick response Liz said, due to the inclusion in the SOAR, (don't ask me what the acronym stands for), expedited review program. It is funny that this is the same shrink I was sent to about 3, (or more, I've got a screwed up time sense), years ago when I first started the process. And my records were "lost?" and I was told I did not fulfill the needed required forms. Sound familiar, the gov't. screws up and it's your fault?

In any case, by next Thursday I should be in enough of a panic/anxiety mode and on the down hill side of the depression cycle that the needle on the 'wack-o-meter' should be swinging from competent to crazy....lol!

I have decided to wait until next month, after I see the doc at JAI to switch providers, so I will have a 3 months script for some of my meds if the process is delayed...delayed, dealing with D.S.S.......nah.....never happen..........LOL!!!!

The same with the student loan/grant idea, back burner for now, until I see what is up with S.S.A. We discussed transferring the case to one of the TV lawyers, (Jenkins and Block, Binder and Binder, etc.), and I am going to look into that next week.

I am staying at Jenn's tomorrow night because I am watching the kids while Tom and Jenn are both out are out.

Stay tuned for another one of the shall we say 'slightly unorthodox'..(in both senses of the word....LOL!!!)..concoctions from;

"Crazy Dave's Culinary School and Malted Barley Research Laboratory...L.L.C."

Later......................Dave.

Response to comment on "Cheese and Missiles Revisited"

Sometimes is better to combat and expose a liar and bully to world ridicule, and to use black humor to humiliate them rather than respond with force and violence if the hypocrisy of their actions will be shown.

"Cheese And Missiles Revisited"

Good Afternoon Again;

Just out of curiosity, what did you think of the video "We Con The World", posted on June 8th?

Makes you laugh, but it also makes you think!

And to those who are whining about 'poor taste' and 'not being PC'..........

I guess firing rockets and missiles across the border into schools, synagogues and daycare centers is OK?

If you are having troubles with the video stopping and starting, try downloading it from Facebook or YouTube.

(Of course it may just be my problem with the library computers file protocol)

Later.....Dave

"Foiled Again Plankton!...Ha Ha Ha, You'll Never Get The Recipe For Me 'Krabby Patties..OR..I've Been Watching WAY TOO MUCH SpongeBob Squarepants...."

Good Afternoon;

Another weird sleep night. The only pattern to my sleep pattern is that there is no pattern.

After I left here yesterday afternoon I was talking to a guy on the bus stop, who is about a week away from being homeless, as his welcome wears out at his sister's house. He has some of the same problems I do regarding work and injuries and was asking about Disability filings. I steered him, (literally, we got off the bus at the Plaza and I showed him the office) to the S.S.A. and also told him that I thought he was eligible for Foodstamps and TDAP, and gave him directions and instructions to D.S.S. When I left him as he was called to the window at S.S.A., he was so grateful and effusive I was embarrassed. It was just the right thing to do, and I really had nowhere to be so it was no trouble to help.

After spending some time at the Starbucks last night I rode the bus to the Plaza station and then back to Mt. Washington and back to the subway chatting with my favorite bus driver the whole time, she is changing routes next week so I won't see her that much anymore :-(

I sat behind the library for an hour and a half using the outlet there to recharge the battery in the DVD player and reading, then stopped by the gas station to say hello to Daniel and show him the book I have for him when I finish it. (Ivory, by Mike Resnick). I played the Keno for an hour or so, leaving with a dollar more than I came in with, then hit the shed and watched some more of "Two And A Half Men" on the DVD player. I then went into 'spastic sleep mode', waking and falling back to sleep with no rhyme or reason, until I finally got up about 11:30 pm. I then made it to the Giant just as the rain began and ended up puttering around there for 90 minutes and talking with Carol, one of the cashiers who happens to know and love Rachel, and has also met Jenn and the kids. And now...I'm here.

I have an appointment with Liz tomorrow at 1:00 pm. to look at some letters regarding the S.S.I. claim, I have an appointment with a State psychiatrist next week and with a State doctor in July. That was quick compared to the normal process, but I'm not getting too excited yet, I've been here before and had DHMH tell me I never went to the appointments and dropped the case.

My old and dear friend Patti has invited me to dinner at the Prime Rib sometime after next week.

Yummmmmmmmmmmmm........Steak!!!!!!!!!

The only problem is that I think they still require a coat and tie.....bummer!

My dress clothes consist of jeans and a red Ralph Lauren Polo shirt, borrowed from my son-in-law. I don't even have a pair of leather shoes, other than the discarded boots I also got from him that I had to glue back together!

Oh well, I'll check it out and we'll see what happens.

I'm out of here I have some food to put in Jenn's freezer and 'fridge for Friday night, when I am 'monster sitting' and spending the night. I'm either cooking Friday night or Saturday morning, and I have some new ideas to try out involving hash brown potatoes and backfin crabmeat and shrimp, with some Sazon Goya con Culantro y Tomato, and lots of garlic. Everybody uses rice or pasta, I'm going in a different direction. I need to figure out a vegetable dish of some sort that will compliment this and that Jenn and I will like..(Tom will eat most anything put on his plate, one of the reasons I avoid fancy garnishes....LOL!)

I think part of the reason my mood was so black for a while was that the lack of real 'kitchen time' was getting to me. It is a creative outlet and stress reliever for me and also a source of immediate gratification that (rarely....lol) requires the use of a syringe.

Okay that is about it for now, I'm going to get the crabcake from Monday out of Jenn's 'fridge before the temptation gets to be too much for her.

Later........................Dave

"The 'Homeless Gourmet'............... OR..............................'I Got The Hookup!' ..........."

Good Afternoon;

Well the weather broke at last on Sunday night! I was able to sleep comfortably, (if not for any extended periods), Sunday and Monday nights and well into yesterday and this morning, (in 2-3 hour blocks).

I never made it to the library Monday, ending up at Jenn's to sluice off the film of debris that accumulated on my skin from the combination of the humidity and the air pollution. I ended up cooking at her place, the need for a session of "culinary therapy" descending upon me.

I sauteed some of the most awesome crabcakes I have ever made, these beat out the ones I was known for in South Florida, in the days before one could find Old Bay on grocery store shelves on a regular basis. I also cooked a top round roast coated with my own ' garlic enhanced' version of 'Newman's Own-Sesame Ginger Marinade'. One of the secrets to both dishes is the use of 'Kikkoman Panko' Japanese style bread crumbs, (among other things...I'm not giving away ALL my tricks....LOL!). I've got one crabcake waiting for me in the 'fridge at Jenn's for tomorrow's lunch, and hopefully some roast left...(Jenn and Tom really liked it)!

One of the (many) things I miss is not having a kitchen, I mean a meal to me is usually not complete without being between some sort of bread with mayonnaise anyway, but with a kitchen available the filling gets much more creative than what ever is on sale at the deli!

Sunday evening at the Starbucks, an acquaintance asked what sort of help or responses I have recieved from the fallout of the two magazine articles, and after we talked about it she said her friend had an idea that may help. we walked over to the Whole Foods and met her and discussed her idea.

It is; to apply for student loans/grants, register for the minimum 6 credits, which can be taken online here at the library, and to use the balance of the lump sum left to get a place to live and for utilities etc. Supposedly the loan can then be deferred for 6 years, when I should be in a position to begin repaying it. Something about this sounds too easy/good to be true, so I have asked my caseworker at prologue if anyone there knows the ins and outs of the system and for advice.

We shall see what's up and take it from there.

In other news....6300 hits as of 3:30 pm today on the blog....Thanks!

The O's have a new manager and won a game!

Due to a soon to be negative cash balance, my much needed and desired 'Road Trip' is postponed indefinitely, this is not to say I am not still trying for a 'mini cruise', or a 'there and back'

.....I can buy the food if you can drive!!!

Anyway, time's up for now and I'm heading to the coffee shop over in Mt. Washington, after I pay me fines here so I can get some reading material, (and the 2010 Grants Directory..more on this idea soon). It looks to be a perfect night to sit outside and read.

Later......................Dave

Flotilla Choir presents: We Con the World.......AKA...."Truth In Packaging At Last!"

Warning:

Satirical Political Content

Read At Your Own Risk

"Hot + Humid + Homeless = HELL"

Good Afternoon;

So it's Sunday and I'm here at the Towson library checking in, only because I did not get to the library in Pikesville on Saturday to return a couple DVDs and they are overdue and I cannot afford more than 1 days worth of fines, (at $2.50 each, [even though they are free rentals.....what's up with that??]..).

It was so nasty, hot and humid on Friday that Rachel and I just stayed at Jenn's and she played with the kids and got a chance to spend some 'alone time' with her sister..( people seem tp forget that they ARE sisters due to the 21 and a half year age difference), and Rachel and I got to wake up together. Of course I had not gotten more than 2 hours sleep on Thursday, (I was again bribed by the couch and the A/C for watching the grandmonsters that night...lol), or Friday, (when Rachel and I both slept over) and I woke up to her standing and looking at me with a smile from about 6 inches away at 6:15 am. Saturday morning....lol.

We went to Jenn's apartment complex's pool on Saturday for a few hours and had a good time. Rachel is quite the little fish, she loves the water and is fearless. She knows how to float and is learning to swim, already she is doing the back stroke and swimming under water too. We finally went in when they turned purple and it began to rain and get a bit windy. It was cloudy most of the morning, and of course after we got in side and stripped the suits off the kids...the sun cme out and the wind dropped and the temperature rose. Rachel's mother picked her up about 4:30 pm. and I ended up leaving about 10:15 pm. for the shed.

After fanning it out some to cool it down to 80 degrees I ended up sleeping about 4 hours straight, which is the most in a while, and dozed until the heat and the street construction on the sewer drain right outside drove me out at 10:00 am. I went to Giant and wandered in the A/C for a while and realized I was too hot too eat. I then went to the RiteAid and refilled my scripts, so that is done for another month and I have to see a doctor in July before the next refills. I am also good for about 2 and 1/2 weeks on my 'bupes', so that is one less worry for a bit.

It is really bad outside today, I feel as if I took a bath in the Gulf Of Mexico! I am going to sit here for a while and then get back on the bus and then the light rail, maybe stopping at the coffee shop in Mt. Washington for a bit.

I saw a sign in the long John Silver's for a $1.00 Fish Taco, ....!! Best !! fast food dollar I ever spent! It was really enjoyable.

Okay, times up........later............Dave